Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and apes together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

In today’s
globalized
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globalised
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world,
music
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plays an important role in
people
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’s lives. Some
people
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believe that it helps
people
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from different cultures and age groups connect with each other. I mostly agree with
this
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idea because
music
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can create emotional connections and build understanding among
people
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,
although
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it may not always work for everyone.
To begin
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with,
music
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is often called a universal language because it can express feelings that words cannot. When
people
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listen to the same song, they can share similar emotions
such
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as happiness, sadness, or excitement, no matter where they come from.
For example
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, many
people
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around the world enjoy listening to popular singers like Ed Sheeran or BTS, even if they do not understand the lyrics.
This
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shows that
music
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can help
people
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communicate on an emotional level and break cultural barriers.
Moreover
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,
music
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can
also
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connect
people
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of different ages. In many families, parents and children enjoy listening to songs together or singing during special events. It creates shared memories and strengthens family relationships.
Music
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festivals and concerts
also
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bring
people
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together, allowing them to enjoy the same experience regardless of their background or age.
However
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, not everyone enjoys the same type of
music
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. Cultural preferences and generation gaps sometimes make it difficult for
people
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to relate to one another.
For example
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, older
people
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may prefer traditional
music
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,
while
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younger ones may enjoy electronic or hip-hop styles.
Therefore
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,
music
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may not always unite everyone equally. In conclusion, I believe that
music
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has a strong power to connect
people
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across cultures and ages by creating emotional bonds and shared experiences. Even though musical tastes differ, it remains one of the most effective ways to bring
people
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together.

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task
Keep the main idea clear in each para. Make one strong point per paragraph and tie it to your view.
task
Add more exact facts or clear examples that show how music helps culture and age mix.
coherence
coherence
Use a topic sentence in each paragraph to show the main idea and finish with a link to the next idea.
strength
Clear view from start to end.
strength
Good use of words that connect ideas.
strength
Examples from pop songs show music can go past walls of culture.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
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