IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities, while others believe that this would have little effect and other measures are needed. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Many argue that increasing the
number
Use synonyms
 of
Use synonyms
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
facilities
Use synonyms
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 the best way to develop public
health
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 others believe that there are other significant measures.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both perspectives, but I believe that
Use synonyms
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 of
sports
Use synonyms
facilities
Use synonyms
play
Correct subject-verb agreement
plays
show examples
 a vital role in public
health
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
sports
Use synonyms
 have
significant
Correct article usage
a significant
show examples
effect
Use synonyms
 on
Use synonyms
people
Check wording
people's
show examples
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 that helps them to stay well-being. The Governments
always
Verb problem
are always
show examples
 trying to increase
sports
Use synonyms
 activity in
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
that
Correct word choice
so that
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 become
more
Correct word choice
healthier
show examples
health
Use synonyms
.
Sport
Use synonyms
facilities
Use synonyms
 create
Use synonyms
environment
Correct article usage
an environment
show examples
that
Correct word choice
where
show examples
 individuals can do any type of
sport
Use synonyms
 in one place. Statistical evidence
show
Correct subject-verb agreement
shows
show examples
 that
Use synonyms
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 of
sports
Use synonyms
facilities
Use synonyms
play
Correct subject-verb agreement
plays
show examples
 a crucial role in public
health
Use synonyms
. Because it creates
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 reachable
environment
Use synonyms
which
Change preposition
in which
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 can
come
Correct word order
easily come
show examples
these
Change preposition
to these
show examples
facilities
Use synonyms
easily
Correct word order
apply
show examples
,
as
Correct word choice
which
show examples
 often inspires individuals to
doing
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
sports
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
type
Correct article usage
the type
show examples
 of
sports
Use synonyms
facilites
Correct your spelling
facilities
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
Use synonyms
effect
Correct article usage
an effect
show examples
 on
countries
Fix the agreement mistake
a country's
show examples
sports
Use synonyms
 success
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 shows
facilities
Use synonyms
 importance on
Use synonyms
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
 that
improve
Correct subject-verb agreement
improves
show examples
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
country
Check wording
country's
show examples
sports
Use synonyms
 ecosystem.
Secondly
Linking Words
, there are other factors that
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
show examples
 to improve public
health
Use synonyms
. These factors are
differentiate
Wrong verb form
differentiated
show examples
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 their influence
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
people
Use synonyms
, as encouraging or inspiring
to
Correct pronoun usage
them to
show examples
 do
sports
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, governments often
make
Verb problem
hold
show examples
 events which
brings
Correct subject-verb agreement
bring
show examples
 famous
people
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
Use synonyms
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 society that encouraging
people
Use synonyms
 to do
sports
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
 it has an
infuence
Correct your spelling
influence
 on
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
, as
gives
Correct pronoun usage
it gives
show examples
 inspiration to them
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
which
Fix the agreement mistake
who
show examples
 one day
being
Wrong verb form
will be
show examples
 these famous
people
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
self education
Use the right word
self-education
show examples
 has an
effect
Use synonyms
 on public
health
Use synonyms
where
Punctuation problem
, where
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 learn it from school or their parents. It helps them to have a basic understanding of what is wrong and what is correct to stay
helathy
Correct your spelling
healthy
. In conclusion, both perspectives have an influence on public
health
Use synonyms
. But I believe that public
health
Use synonyms
is depend
Wrong verb form
depends
show examples
 on
physicial
Correct your spelling
physical
 activity,
such
Linking Words
 as
sport
Use synonyms
facilities
Use synonyms
create
Wrong verb form
creating
show examples
these
Fix the agreement mistake
this
show examples
environment
Use synonyms
 for individuals.
As a result
Linking Words
number
Use synonyms
 of
Use synonyms
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
facilities
Use synonyms
 has
an
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 huge
effect
Use synonyms
 on public
health
Use synonyms
.

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task focus
Make your view clear in the intro and again in the end.
content development
Give one main reason in each paragraph and add a simple example.
coherence
Use easy linking words to show how ideas are linked (and, but, also, so, because).
grammar
Check grammar: make subject and verb agree and use plural forms correctly.
structure
Add a short conclusion that repeats your view.
content
The essay tries to discuss both sides and give an opinion.
structure
A clear view is stated in the end.
coherence
There are some joins to connect ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • sports facilities
  • physical activity
  • exercise
  • chronic diseases
  • heart disease
  • obesity
  • inclusivity
  • participation
  • safe environment
  • social interaction
  • community engagement
  • comprehensive approach
  • health education programs
  • environmental factors
  • healthcare infrastructure
  • quality healthcare services
  • public health initiatives
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