nowadays young people spend too much of their free time in shopping malls. This has negative effects on themselves and the society they live in. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this statement?
In the contemporary world, the young generation's leisure activities play
such
a controversial part in our lives. It is asserted that the better part of their spare time is spent in shopping centres which has a negative impact on their lifestyle and community. The writer wholeheartedly disagrees with Correct quantifier usage
apply
this
statement because of gaining more accomplishments and economic development.
It is significant to be aware that shopping will open up more opportunities for citizens owing to the fact that they can absorb a wide range of knowledge about the products. For instance
, sellers in stores will introduce shoppers the useful information that persuades customers to afford their goods and provide buyers deep understanding. Furthermore
, getting in touch with more disparate types of characteristics make
chances for purchasers to boost their communication skills. Verb problem
gives
As a result
, citizens will acquire more and more knowledge and experiences that help their lives become magnificent and effortless.
However
, the author understands that some citizens think divergently, saying that shopping addictors use huge amounts of money for purchasing
unnecessary items which will waste their property. Change preposition
to purchase
This
is quite true but a growing number of purchasers will create a profound impact on each nation's economy. As a consequence
, the increase of global brands such
as Adidas, Zara and so on investing in our national markets will formulate beneficial relationships among countries.
To sum up
, the writer firmly believes that appearing in malls for a long time makes our lives become
better especially for the young because it will help people expand their horizons about society and develop national budgets.Verb problem
apply
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
You have addressed the question and presented your viewpoint clearly. However, your argument could be strengthened with more relevant and specific examples. Try to incorporate concrete evidence or specific cases to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Nonetheless, some of the transitions between ideas could be smoother. Try to use linking phrases to guide the reader through your argument more effectively.
coherence cohesion
While your main points are presented clearly, make sure each paragraph focuses on a single idea and fully develops it before moving to the next point. This will improve the overall cohesion of your essay.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which nicely frame your argument.
task achievement
Your essay demonstrates a good attempt to address the task and present your viewpoints, showing a clear stance on the issue.
general
Your language use is generally good, with some variety in vocabulary and structures.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?