IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Most people are undoubtedly influenced by heavy commercialization and advertising of products; consumers are buying out of desire more than necessity. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

In
this
Linking Words
 age of time every
one
Check wording
everyone
show examples
 is using
samart
Correct your spelling
smart
 devices that
show
Use synonyms
 all
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
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 of
advertisements
Use synonyms
 all
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
day. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 I believe
this
Linking Words
 amount of exposure to
advertisements
Use synonyms
 made
people
Use synonyms
 think that they need the product or the idea they
trying
Verb problem
are trying
show examples
 to sell in order to have a better life
standers
Use the right word
standards
show examples
.
People
Use synonyms
 are now focused
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 getting everything
that is
Linking Words
 advertised for and prioritise advertised products over what they actually need in the meantime.
For example
Linking Words
 social media is a huge influencer upon
people
Use synonyms
 thoughts and they took the advertisement word into different level where normal person will
show
Use synonyms
 you how they are living and how the product had changed their lives which make the consumer believe and trust that
this
Linking Words
 is what they need .smart advertising Starting with skincare and ending with game cards made
people
Use synonyms
 buy enything and everything without thinking if
this
Linking Words
 product is actually needed.
Cloth
Check wording
The clothing
show examples
 industry
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 has increasingly influenced consumers
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
huge
Correct article usage
a huge
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 number of
advertisements
Use synonyms
they
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
.
In
Linking Words
addition
Add a comma
addition,
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 they will
show
Use synonyms
 you new clothing and designs every day
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 they will personalise the
advertisements
Use synonyms
 to meet your expectations and desires
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 makes you want to buy more clothing than what you really need or wear.
Linking Words
furthermore
Fix capitalization
Furthermore
show examples
,they will have
pop ups
Use the right word
pop-ups
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 all other websites to
show
Use synonyms
 you new
amazingly
Punctuation problem
, amazingly
show examples
 photographed pictures
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their products
so
Punctuation problem
, so
show examples
 you end up visiting their website . In conclusion,
advertisements
Use synonyms
 can help you find what you are looking for when you need
Linking Words
however
Punctuation problem
however,
show examples
 the huge exposure made us forget about what we want and
perused
Verb problem
led
show examples
 us to buy things that we
will
Wrong verb form
would
show examples
 never think
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
we need.

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task
Be clear on your view. State if you strongly agree or not in the first line.
structure
Use a simple intro and a short ending. A clear start helps.
coherence
Link ideas with easy words. Show why facts happen or are shown.
examples
Give more proof from the text or idea. Keep to one idea in each paragraph.
content
You use real ideas like ads on social media and clothes.
analysis
You explain that ads can make people think they need things.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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