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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart shows the numbers of cars per 1000 people in 5 European countries in three years and compaire with European everages.

The bar chart shows the numbers of cars per 1000 people in 5 European countries in three years and compaire with European everages.
The bar charts represent the
amount
Check wording
number
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 of
cars
Use synonyms
 per 1000 people in five different
countries
Use synonyms
 ( numbered from 1 to 5 ) for three different years : 2005, 2009 and 2015.
Overall
Linking Words
, in two out of five
Use synonyms
countries
Add a comma
countries,
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 the
number
Use synonyms
 of vehicles increased within a decade,
while
Linking Words
 in other nations these numbers fell or stayed unchanged. First of all, the
countries
Use synonyms
 with upward patterns of
cars
Use synonyms
 were the
number
Use synonyms
 2 and
number
Use synonyms
 5. In detail,
second
Correct article usage
the second
show examples
 nation had approximately 500
cars
Use synonyms
 per 1000 individuals in the initial period.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, in the following five
years
Add a comma
years,
show examples
 it went up to around 550
cars
Use synonyms
 before declining in 2015, still having higher numbers.
In contrast
Linking Words
, a
number
Use synonyms
 5 witnessed a
descrease
Correct your spelling
decrease
 in the first half of
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 period from almost 950 to 925.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 was followed by a sharp increase in the second half to nearly 1000
cars
Use synonyms
 per 1000 people.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there were
another
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
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two
Use synonyms
countries
Correct word choice
other countries
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 that had no change during
this
Linking Words
 span of 10 years. First, the
number
Use synonyms
 one, the
number
Use synonyms
 of vehicles remained unchanged afterwards ( 200 ), despite having
significant
Correct article usage
a significant
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 rise in 2010 reaching 400.
Moreover
Linking Words
, in country four,
Correct article usage
the
show examples
estimated
number
Use synonyms
 of transport per capita (1000) stayed stable for
whole
Correct article usage
the whole
show examples
 interval at 700.
Finally
Linking Words
, the only country with a downward pattern was
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
number
Use synonyms
 three, gradually declining from 700 to just below 600
cars
Use synonyms
 per 1000 individuals between 2005 and 2015.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words cars, countries, number with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "stayed" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "unchanged" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Trend
  • Stability
  • Significant
  • Increase
  • Decrease
  • Average
  • Comparison
  • Fluctuations
  • Steady
  • Surge
  • Dip
  • Outperform
  • Lag behind
  • Demographic factors
  • Socio-economic factors
  • Mobility demand
  • Environmental concerns
  • Policy implications
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