IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Crime appears to be rising in most countries in the world, especially among young people. What is the cause and effect?

There is now an increase in the number of crimes in almost all nations in the world. One would wonder why there is an increase amongst the
youths
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involed
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involved
 in
crime
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.The causes vary depending on the region, but the most common among them is unemployment and peer
pressure
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.
This
Linking Words
 is causing a
lot
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 of young people to be in jail at a younger age and
distrupting
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disrupting
 the social fabric of most communities. A
lot
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 of
youths
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 are not in employment in most
coutries
Correct your spelling
countries
, especially in third world countries
leading
Punctuation problem
, leading
show examples
 them to commit different crimes .When one is left with no means of
income
Punctuation problem
income,
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 they will resort to theft or online scamming in order to get money to meet their demands. In most
third world
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third-world
show examples
countries
Punctuation problem
countries,
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 a
lot
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 of school leavers and even those with skills are not at work
due to
Linking Words
 poor economies.
In addition
Linking Words
, peer
pressure
Use synonyms
amongs
Correct your spelling
among
 the
youths
Use synonyms
 has
also
Linking Words
 influenced some to engage in criminality. For one to be amongst
there
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their
show examples
 peers and get
accepted
Punctuation problem
accepted,
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 they should be doing what others are doing. The
pressure
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 of getting the latest outfits and trending fashion has
influence
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influenced
show examples
 others to engage in scamming online. The
ffects
Correct your spelling
effects
 on the rising crimes are catastrophic. There
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 been a
lot
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 of
youths
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 who have been in jail at a younger age after being prosecuted and found
guity
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guilty
 of
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crime
Correct article usage
a crime
show examples
.
This
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 will
in
Punctuation problem
, in
show examples
turn
Punctuation problem
turn,
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 destroy their future in either employment or in furthering their education.
Additionally
Linking Words
, there is now fear and
distrurbance
Correct your spelling
disturbance
 of the social fabric in most communities
due to
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 the increase in
crime
Use synonyms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 is
counter productive
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counterproductive
show examples
 to the development of communities and societies.
To conclude
Linking Words
, the causes of
crime
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 vary depending on geographical locations
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
pree
Correct your spelling
pre-existing
pressure
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 and
unemlpouyment
Correct your spelling
unemployment
 are the
mai
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main
cross cutting
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cross-cutting
show examples
 causes in most nations. The
crime
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 rate amongst the
youngs
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young
show examples
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 devastating effects on the individual who is involved and
also
Linking Words
 on the larger community.

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structure
Organize your essay with a clear intro, body on causes, body on effects, and a short end.
cohesion
Use clear link words to show cause and effect, such as because, so, and as a result.
content
Put the main causes and the main effects in separate ideas and keep one idea in one line when you can.
content
Give real facts or examples for each point so the idea is clear.
language
Check spelling and grammar; fix small mistakes like ffects, disturb, and involvment.
style
Use plain words and short lines to make the text easy to read.
strength
Topic is clear and it fits the task.
strength
You name main ideas such as lack of work and peer pressure.
strength
There are some linking words that help the flow.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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