IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries there are more young people choosing to enrol in work-based training instead of attending university. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

The issue of
people
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 participating in vocational training
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 rising has raised public concern. From my perspective, the drawbacks outweigh the
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the advantages and disadvantages of
this
Linking Words
 situation. Admittedly, vocational training plays a vital role in improving
people
Use synonyms
’s practical skills.
This
Linking Words
 is because work-based training can offer opportunities to accomplish a task in the real work environment, which can cultivate individual capacity
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 problem-solving.
An
Correct article usage
A
show examples
 clear example is that numerous companies need the internship experience. If someone has been trained in a
corporate
Replace the word
corporation
show examples
, the
interview
Replace the word
interviewer
show examples
 may think the
people
Use synonyms
 are able to work immediately and they
have
Verb problem
do
show examples
 not
to
Verb problem
need to
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 train their
staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
staff
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 for a long time.
Therefore
Linking Words
, experiencing vocational training may help
people
Use synonyms
 hunt
a
Change preposition
for a
show examples
job and gain a better career.
However
Linking Words
,
education
Use synonyms
 in universities is essential to search for a better career. One major reason is that
education
Use synonyms
 can cultivate
people
Use synonyms
’s academic and logical thinking abilities, thereby improving
Use synonyms
people’s
Check wording
their
show examples
 employment.
For instance
Linking Words
, traditional curricula
such
Linking Words
 as science, maths and physics are required in numerous majors. So students need
learn
Verb problem
to learn
show examples
 these courses in universities professionally. What’s more,
such
Linking Words
 specific knowledge may not be available in vocational training.
Thus
Linking Words
, learning in university is necessary so that individuals can seek a satisfying vocation through professional
education
Use synonyms
. Compared with attending work-based training
first,
Linking Words
education
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
at
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university
Correct article usage
a university
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 offers more opportunities for
people
Use synonyms
 to choose their jobs better. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 vocational training is indispensable before
people
Use synonyms
 enter the workplace,
education
Use synonyms
 professionally plays a more fundamental role in cultivating
all-round
Use the right word
all-around
show examples
 development of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individuals.

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task response
Your answer has a view and some good ideas, but it does not show a strong balance of the pros and cons. Add more on what is good about work based training and say why you think these points are bigger than the bad points. Be clear about your stand in the end.
coherence cohesion
Link ideas well. Start each paragraph with a clear line and use easy link words like also, but, however, so to show how ideas fit. Keep sentences short and easy.
structure
The plan is clear: intro, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
content
The essay shows big ideas of both work training and university study.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-based training
  • enrol
  • university
  • advantages
  • disadvantages
  • practical skills
  • experience
  • workforce
  • employment
  • earnings
  • opportunities
  • further education
  • theoretical knowledge
  • career options
  • exploitation
  • balance
What to do next:
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