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Writing Samples
Band 7

The chart below shows the donations given to six different types of charity by one company from 2012 to 2014. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the donations given to six different types of charity by one company from 2012 to 2014. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
The bar graph below provides the key information on the type of charity between 2012 to 2014. It includes one company.
In addition
Linking Words
, it includes six parts
:
Punctuation problem
:
show examples
 the social
welfare
Use synonyms
, the education, the environment, the health, the wildlife, and art.
Also
Linking Words
, the units are measured in dollars.
Overall
Linking Words
, the highest count of
donations
Use synonyms
 was shown in the social
welfare
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 the lowest count of
donations
Use synonyms
 was shown in the art. Both of them have significant points . On the one hand, in terms of the highest changes, the social
welfare
Use synonyms
 value had the highest count of
donations
Use synonyms
, in 2014, at about 2500 cash.
while
Linking Words
 the social
welfare
Use synonyms
 rate had the lowest number of
donations
Use synonyms
, in 2013, at almost $.
Thus
Linking Words
, the dollars changed significantly.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, in terms of the lowest changes, the lowest number of
donations
Use synonyms
 decreased dramatically from 2012 to 2013, at about 4$.
However
Linking Words
, it remained constant in 2014, at almost 5%.
Thus
Linking Words
, the dollars changed dramatically.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "thus, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words welfare, donations with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "dramatically" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
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