IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many people today are worried about “cybercrime” such as hacking and identify theft. What problems does “cybercrime” cause, and what solutions can you suggest for ordinary people and business to take?

Nowadays, the problem of cybercrime is rising
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 even more people are hacked, which leads to distrust of social networks.
This
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 issue should be tackled in order to protect young individuals from
thefts
Fix the agreement mistake
theft
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and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 I intend to give a brief outline of the main arguments and solutions.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, with the fast development of modern technologies
representatives
Punctuation problem
, representatives
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 of different social groups face cybercrime that requires learning
of identifying
Change preposition
to identify
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 cyberthefts. It is undeniable that teenagers use mobile phones more often, which makes them more vulnerable to being robbed. Hardly a week goes by without a report about harassment on social media platforms. The primary reason for
this
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 is
most
Correct word choice
that most
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 people are permitted to make unrestricted statements without the risk of punishment. So, it is essential to raise awareness of the problem’s scale to avoid potentially serious consequences.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 the burden of responsibility lies with the government, but
Linking Words
also
Correct word order
apply
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the mass media could
resolve
Correct word order
also resolve
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this
Linking Words
 issue. First of all, there should be severe restrictions
for
Change preposition
on
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 fishing and hacking on the Internet
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 the level of fines should be increased, as stricter financial consequences may act as a stronger deterrent.
Secondly
Linking Words
, media coverage should outline why personal data protection matters and show what
such
Linking Words
 vulnerabilities can lead to. All things considered, everyone should keep up with the latest updates of the technological world as it
became
Wrong verb form
has become
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 an integral part of our lives. I strongly believe that humanity should be aware
about
Change preposition
of
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 proper
self protection
Use the right word
self-protection
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 because
this
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 knowledge could save lives.

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structure
Make a clear plan: start with a short intro, then 2 or 3 body paragraphs, and finish with a quick conclusion.
idea development
In each paragraph, state one main idea and explain it well with small facts or calm reasoning.
cohesion
Use simple and straight words. Keep links between ideas, like and, but, also, for example.
content evidence
Give real cases or facts to show how cybercrime hurts people and firms.
language accuracy
Check spelling and make phrases clear, so the text reads with one idea in a sentence.
structure
The topic is clear from the start and you share a plan for the text.
content
You note real roles men and media could play to help the issue.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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