IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

in many countries its now illegal to advertise alcohol do you agree or diagree?

In many nations, it is now officially banned to advertise alcoholic drinks. I completely agree with
this
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 statement because
alcohol
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 has a considerable negative impact on
health
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, leading to serious diseases
such
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 as heart disease and kidney failure. Another reason is that banning
advertisements
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 helps to limit the number of
people
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 who purchase these products. Drinking wine and beer has a harmful effect on
health
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. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
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 hand, it can influence mental
health
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 in the long term. There is
also
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 a predominant risk to the body of individuals who drink regularly,
such
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 as liver disease, kidney failure, and heart disease.
Moreover
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,
people
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 who become addicted to these products often suffer from unusual
behavior
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behaviour
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 and lose control over their responsibilities. Another side effect is that
alcohol
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 consumption may lead to criminal issues that could result in imprisonment.
For example
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, a recent study found that the number of
people
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 who pass away annually has increased because of excessive drinking. Banning
advertisements
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 plays an important role in restricting the purchase of
alcohol
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, as it influences
people
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 who might
otherwise
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 be tempted to drink. In many cases, teenagers are the most influenced group because they love exploring new things and have a sense of adventure, even if it may harm them.
In addition
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, prohibiting
alcohol
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advertisements
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 on television has reduced the demand for
such
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 products.
As a result
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,
this
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 policy helps create a healthier society, encourages
people
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 to drink natural beverages
instead
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, and
minimizes
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minimises
show examples
 the risk of diseases. In conclusion, I strongly believe that banning
alcohol
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advertisements
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 is an effective step to protect
people
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’s
health
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 and reduce social problems.
This
Linking Words
 policy helps build a safer and healthier society for everyone.

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task response guidance
Add a small view of the other side, then state why you still agree.
content
Give more real examples or data to back your point.
coherence
Make the line of turning from one idea to the next clear with simple link words.
grammar
Check small grammar and word choice to avoid mistakes.
strength
The stance is clear and the main reason is the pass on.
structure
Paragraphs separate ideas well and the essay has a clear flow.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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