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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the number of male and female students studying IT at university from 1985-2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the number of male and female students studying IT at university from 1985-2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
The diagram shows how many students
studying
Verb problem
were studying
show examples
 IT, depending on their gender, from 1985 to 2015.The graph illustrates the
amount
Check wording
number
show examples
 of learners, starting at 0
minimum
Check wording
apply
show examples
and ending
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
 a maximum
40,000
Change preposition
of 40,000
show examples
, and
years
Correct article usage
the years
show examples
 that were
analyzed
Change the spelling
analysed
show examples
. Back to 1985,
chart
Correct article usage
the chart
show examples
 highlights that IT wasn’t that popular among undergraduate people compared to
years
Correct article usage
the years
show examples
 2000-2010.
Rarely
Punctuation problem
Rarely,
show examples
 some females, and about 5000 males were on the course of
programing
Use the right word
programming
show examples
.
That is
Linking Words
 most likely because of
low
Correct article usage
the low
show examples
 level of
technologies
Fix the agreement mistake
technology
show examples
 among
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
as well as
Linking Words
 little need in
professional
Correct article usage
the professional
show examples
 sphere.
Period
Correct article usage
The period
show examples
 started
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 1990 and till about
2005
Punctuation problem
2005,
show examples
 the graph
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
raising
Use the right word
rising
show examples
sharp
Replace the word
sharply
show examples
. In that
time
Punctuation problem
time,
show examples
 the number of
ones
Check wording
men
show examples
 studying IT became 6 times more
as
Change preposition
than
show examples
 among
mans as ladies
Check wording
women
show examples
. That was a time when personal computers
become
Wrong verb form
became
show examples
 more and more affordable,
that
Correct word choice
which
show examples
 increased awareness
throw-out
Use the right word
throughout
show examples
younger
Correct article usage
the younger
show examples
 generation. The
last
Linking Words
 part of the chart splits based on gender. Male part
continuo
Use the right word
continued
show examples
 to
soaring
Wrong verb form
soar
show examples
 till 2015,
while
Linking Words
female
Correct article usage
the female
show examples
 line
fluctured
Correct your spelling
fluctuated
 by rising a little to the highest point in 2010 and decreasing in 2015.
Overall
Linking Words
, the number of IT learners increased strongly throw 30 years.
Situation
Correct article usage
A situation
show examples
 like
this
Linking Words
 represents the trends and possibilities of the world.

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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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