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Writing Samples
Band 6

The chart below shows information about the favorite subjects of 60 students from two schools, school A and school B.

The chart below shows information about the favorite subjects of 60 students from two schools, school A and school B.
The bar chart shows the choices of subjects of 60 pupils from 2 different schools.
Overall
Linking Words
, P.E. in
school
Use synonyms
 A holds the largest popularity among students,in
school
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
 ,
this
Linking Words
 subject
choose
Correct subject-verb agreement
chooses
show examples
 about seven times fewer students . Regarding the figures of social science , which learners from
school
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
 was 10 people in
school
Use synonyms
 be
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 was twice less. Learning languages was
also
Linking Words
 a favourite lesson for 18 students in
school
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
 ,
while
Linking Words
 in the second
school
Use synonyms
, it was only 5 fans of
this
Linking Words
 subject. Notably, craft and drawing lessons were preferred by 25 learners ,
which
Fix the agreement mistake
who
show examples
 are favoured by the largest people in
school
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
.
By contrast
Linking Words
,
school
Use synonyms
 A had higher results in science and sports subjects . Nine
schoolers
Check wording
students
show examples
 from
school
Use synonyms
 A picked science,
although
Linking Words
 in
school
Use synonyms
 there were only 2. Most attendees preferred sports activities in
school
Use synonyms
 A ,
while
Linking Words
 the participants from
school
Use synonyms
 A chose to study language and art.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 73%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words school, b with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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