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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The graph gives information about male and female gym memberships between 1980 and 2010. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph gives information about male and female gym memberships between 1980 and 2010. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
According to
Linking Words
 the above graph, the male
gym
Use synonyms
memberships
Use synonyms
 first
icreased
Correct your spelling
increased
 from 2000 to 4000 in the period of
year
Use synonyms
 1980 to
Use synonyms
year
Check wording
apply
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1958.
However
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 dropped drastically in
Use synonyms
year
Correct article usage
the year
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 1958 to around
Use synonyms
year
Correct article usage
the year
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 2000. From
then
Linking Words
 on, the male
gym
Use synonyms
memberships
Use synonyms
rised
Correct your spelling
rose
 again and peaked in
Use synonyms
year
Correct article usage
the year
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 2005, with an incredible
number
Use synonyms
 of 5000. Despite the uplifting trend, the
number
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 decreased significantly again from
Use synonyms
year
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apply
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2005 to
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year
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apply
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2010. when it comes to the female
gym
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 membership
statisitcs
Correct your spelling
statistics
. It is a whole different story. As shown in the graph, the
number
Use synonyms
 of female
gym
Use synonyms
membership
Fix the agreement mistake
memberships
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 increased continuously from 1000 in
Use synonyms
year
Check wording
apply
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1980 to about 3000 in
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year
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apply
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1995. In
year
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 1995 to
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year
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apply
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2010, the
number
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 of female
gym
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memberships
Use synonyms
 fluctuated.
However
Linking Words
, in general, the female
gym
Use synonyms
 membership is on an uprising trend.
Linking Words
to
Fix capitalization
To
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 conclude, the male
gym
Use synonyms
memberships
Use synonyms
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 a more unstable trend
Linking Words
then
Use the right word
than
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 the female
gym
Use synonyms
memberships
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words gym, memberships, year, number with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • enrollment
  • fluctuation
  • peak
  • decline
  • steady increase
  • pronounced difference
  • converge
  • diverge
  • membership rate
  • significant growth
  • slump
  • dominant trend
  • predominantly
  • consistent pattern
  • noteworthy
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