IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

about the following topic: Some people think that spending a lot of money on wedding parties and other celebrations is just a waste. Others, however, think that such events are necessary, so spending money on them is acceptable. Discuss both the views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Some
people
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 think that nowadays
people
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 are spending a lot of hard-earned
money
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 on celebration
events
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 & wedding parties.
For
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 reason, several
people
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 argue that
this
Linking Words
 is a waste of time,
while
Linking Words
 others believe that
events
Use synonyms
 are an essential part of life & must be acceptable. Both views will be discussed before presenting my own opinion. On one hand, the
people
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 believe that spending hard-earned
money
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 on unnecessary things in a marriage or party is a waste , like spending on firecrackers. Because that
money
Use synonyms
 can be used for many social & welfare works, to improve
such
Linking Words
 organisations, like spending on painting in schools, health sectors, NGOs, so that it proves to be economical in all aspects.
For example
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, if a person spends their income on social reform, it will help society to benefit from that spending.
On the other hand
Linking Words
 ,
people
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 argue that celebrations always help
people
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 to share their culture, beliefs,
traditions
Correct word choice
and traditions
show examples
 and
also
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 help
people
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 to keep their
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
 strong. These are the only
events
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 where
people
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 meet their loved ones and feel relaxed by attending the
events
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.
For example
Linking Words
, if a person invites their relations to
events
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,
then
Linking Words
 they feel it as an opportunity to meet and revive their relationship. In conclusion, both sides have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
strong statements to support their views, but care should be taken to utilise
money
Use synonyms
 on the right things in every event celebration, avoiding alcohol,tobacco products and unnecessary sound systems,so that it might not harm the decorum of the event.

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structure
Make your own view clear in the first or second paragraph.
grammar
Use shorter, clear sentences. Check commas and full stops.
content
Give strong examples that fit your point and link to the idea.
coherence
Use linking words to move from one idea to the next.
content
You show a balance of both sides.
structure
Intro and conclusion exist and the essay uses 'On one hand' and 'On the other hand'.
content
The idea of spending and its effect on society is clear.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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