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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the number of tourists to Australia šŸ‡¦šŸ‡ŗ from three countries in 1995 and 2005, and the types of travels between 1995 and 2005. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the number of tourists to Australia šŸ‡¦šŸ‡ŗ from three countries in 1995 and 2005, and the types of travels between 1995 and 2005. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
he
Use the right word
The
show examples
 given charts illustrate the
number
Use synonyms
 of
tourists
Use synonyms
 who visited Australia from three countries in the two years 1995 and 2005 ,
as well as
Linking Words
 the different types of travel in the same
period
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
Overall
Punctuation problem
Overall,
show examples
tourists
Use synonyms
 coming from the UK and the US increased in 2005 compared to 1995,
while
Linking Words
 Japanese
traveler
Replace the word
travellers
show examples
 reduced during the same duration , with fluctuations in the types of travel proportions . On the one hand ,
Correct article usage
the
show examples
number
Use synonyms
 of British
tourists
Use synonyms
 climbed from 800,000 to 1,500,000 throughout the given
period
Use synonyms
 ,
while
Linking Words
 the
number
Use synonyms
 of Americans who visited Australia for the same reason tripled in the same
period
Use synonyms
maintaining
Punctuation problem
, maintaining
show examples
 the same proportion.
In addition
Linking Words
 , Japanese people who chose Australia as a destination for holidays decreased in the given decade from 1,500,000 to nearly 900,000.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,the
number
Use synonyms
 of
tourists
Use synonyms
 who stayed at resorts increased slightly over the
period
Use synonyms
 and reached 1,100,000 in 2005 .
Moreover
Linking Words
 ,backpacking
tourists
Use synonyms
 rose in the first half of 1995's reaching 2,400,000 ,
then
Linking Words
 reduced in the latter half ,becoming similar to the
number
Use synonyms
 of visitors who stayed at resorts.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, tourists, period with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportions" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reduced" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stayed" was used 2 times.
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