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Band 5.5

Some people think that the most important influence on a child's development is theirparents.Others believe that it is mainly from school and teachers.Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Certainly, some claim that the role of teachers in their intellectual and social development is
most the
Correct word order
the most
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 important,
while
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 others argue that it is mainly from
parents
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. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss why I tend to agree with the latter. I concede there could be significant influences from teachers, and perhaps the most obvious one is that they can provide students with more professional knowledge. When
children
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 take courses at
school
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, they typically actively engage their brains to study, in turn enhancing their thinking abilities. What it can do is make it incredibly helpful.
For example
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, my young brother, a middle
school
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 student, tends to assignments every day at
school
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, enabling him to foster a better understanding of core subjects.
Consequently
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,
this
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 arguably leads to better academic performance.
However
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, I believe that
parents
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 play a more important role. One reason is that family education is essential to help
children
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 develop the ability to distinguish right from wrong. In Shanghai,
for instance
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, one of China’s leading cities in education, many
parents
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 now pay great attention to their
children
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’s upbringing. As
such
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,
parents
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 may help them
instill
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instil
show examples
 positive values, which usually
lays
Use the right word
lay
show examples
 the foundation for how their
children
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 interact with classmates. Another reason is that family participation can contribute to intellectual growth. If
parents
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 engage their
children
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 in math games or storytelling when they start
school
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, they can learn more advanced counting and language, and
this
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 potentially leads to stronger analytical abilities, which is incredibly helpful. In conclusion,
while
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 teachers have a significant influence on
children
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 at
school
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, I feel that
parents
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’ role is more essential.

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task
Make your view clear in the opening and restate it in the end.
coherence
Give more detail to each point and use simple examples.
linguistic
Fix phrases that sound odd, and keep grammar simple.
coherence
Use clear linking words to show how ideas fit together.
task
Choose relatable examples and explain how they support your view.
strength
You have a clear view on the topic.
strength
Intro and conclusion are present.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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