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Writing Samples
Band 6

The chart below shows the number of international applicants to the universities of one European country. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the number of international applicants to the universities of one European country. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The given chart illustrates the
number
Use synonyms
 of international student
applications
Use synonyms
 to the faculties of a specific European country.
Overall
Linking Words
, the chart demonstrates the
number
Use synonyms
 of
applicants
Use synonyms
 across five countries : China,
Japan
Use synonyms
, the USA, and Russia
between
Punctuation problem
, between
show examples
 2004 and 2008.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
applications
Use synonyms
 from
students
Use synonyms
 coming from China and the USA was higher than that from
Japan
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 Russian
students
Use synonyms
 had the lowest application rate throughout the period. In detail,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
number
Use synonyms
 of
applications
Use synonyms
 from Chinese
students
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 was over
than
Change preposition
apply
show examples
25000
applications
Use synonyms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 was the highest share
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
followed by
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 at 14000
applicants
Use synonyms
 and
Japan
Use synonyms
 at 6000
Use synonyms
applicants
Punctuation problem
applicants,
show examples
while
Linking Words
applicants
Use synonyms
 from Russia
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 below 5000 .
Moreover
Linking Words
, between 2005 and 2007,
applications
Use synonyms
 from Chinese
students
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 decreased to 16,000 in 2007,
whereas
Linking Words
applications
Use synonyms
 from American
students
Use synonyms
 climbed, reaching 22,000 during the same period.
Applicants
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 from
Japan
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 and Russia remained the same, at 8,000 and 2,000, respectively. In 2008, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
applications
Use synonyms
 from China fell
further
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
applications
Use synonyms
 from American
students
Use synonyms
 increased to more than 23,000. A similar increase was observed for Japanese and Russian
students
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "moreover, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, applications, applicants, japan, students with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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