IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many companies sponsor sports as a way to advertise themselves. Some people think this is good for the world of sports, while others think there are disadvantages of this. Discuss both sides and give your opinion

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Ad campaigns have evolved in many ways over the years, and that much is certain. There has been a dramatic increase in the trend of sponsorship, whereby businesses market their wares by financially supporting a particular sporting
event
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 or
athlete
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. There are those who think
this
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 form of advertising is effective
while
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 others think the negatives outnumber the benefits. Still, I believe that the advantages are more than the drawbacks. First of all, one of the greatest aspects of
sports
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 sponsorship is that it boosts the sales of the sponsoring businesses.
For instance
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, the firm decides to support a highly publicized
sports
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 team or
athlete
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.
Then
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 the
event
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 planners won't have to stress over finding money. These corporations put up a lot of cash and handle all the personal finances for a certain
athlete
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 or sporting
event
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.
On the contrary
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, it's essential to remember that advertising
also
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 has its pitfalls,
such
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 as the possibility that the sponsoring corporation is exploiting the venue of a sporting
event
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 to promote its inferior products. Kingfisher, an alcohol manufacturing industry, sponsored cricket as a means of advertising its product despite the known detrimental effects of alcohol consumption.
Furthermore
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, the company's reputation is at risk if the
athlete
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 engages in criminal activities like match-fixing or the use of performance-enhancing drugs. As with other forms of violence, these kinds of actions undermine
sports
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' core values. In conclusion, there are indisputable positive outcomes to sponsoring sporting events, but there are
also
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 adverse repercussions. When weighed against the merits, the drawbacks are insignificant. The professionals have an obligation to enhance their performance and avoid scandals if the brand is to benefit from its sponsorship of
sports
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 and remain competitive in the market.

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coherence cohesion
The essay does not have a clear logical structure and progression of ideas. It jumps between points without clear transitions or logical sequencing.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are not distinct enough and fail to adequately set the stage and summarize the essay's points.
coherence cohesion
Main points of discussion are identified but not well supported with arguments or evidence.
task achievement
The essay only partially addresses the task. It needs to thoroughly discuss both sides of the argument as well as provide a clear opinion.
task achievement
The ideas are somewhat clear but not comprehensive. Greater development of the points is needed to fully respond to the essay question.
task achievement
Specific examples are lacking. Providing more relevant examples would improve the effectiveness of the essay.
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