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Writing Samples
Band 8

growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The rapid increase in overweight individuals is placing pressure on healthcare systems, and some people believe that adding more physical education lessons to school timetables is the most effective solution.
This
Linking Words
 essay partly agrees with
this
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 view.
Firstly
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, regular PE classes can help children develop healthier habits;
secondly
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, obesity is mainly linked to poor diet and lifestyle, so working out alone is not enough. Introducing more physical education in schools can influence children’s long-term health in a positive way. Regular exercise increases energy levels, improves metabolism, and reduces the risk of diseases
such
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 as diabetes and high blood pressure. When students participate in PE from a young age, they learn to enjoy movement and are more likely to continue exercising later in life.
For instance
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, students who join school sports teams often stay active as adults, which lowers their chances of becoming overweight.
Therefore
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, increasing lessons can lead to better long-term health outcomes.
However
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, relying only on classes will not solve the issue because diet plays a much bigger role. Many children eat high-calorie fast food and sugary snacks every day, and even extending the class an extra hour cannot balance
such
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 unhealthy eating habits.
In addition
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, parents strongly influence what children eat at home, so without nutritional awareness in families, the impact of school-based activity will be limited. In conclusion,
although
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 increasing physical education in schools is useful, it cannot be the only solution. A broader approach that includes exercise, better nutrition, and family involvement is necessary to reduce obesity and ease the burden on healthcare systems.

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task
Be very clear about your view in every part. The essay says partly agrees, keep this line in all paragraphs.
task
Give strong proof or real facts to back up ideas. Use one or two clear examples.
coherence
Link ideas well. Use words like 'first', 'also', 'but', 'so' to show cause and effect.
language
Use easy words. Short sentences help. Check spelling and punctuation.
structure
clear view of the topic and task
structure
good plan with intro, body, and conclusion
coherence
good use of simple ideas to show long term effect
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity rates
  • health care system
  • physical education
  • instill
  • long term
  • raise awareness
  • healthier lifestyle choices
  • nutritional education
  • active transport
  • quality of instruction
  • facilities and equipment
  • diet control initiatives
  • community sports programs
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