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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

These days, too many people maintain their health by relying on doctors and medicine, rather than by following a healthy lifestyle. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

In today’s world, many
people
Use synonyms
 depend on doctors and medicine to keep their health in check,
instead
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 of following a healthy lifestyle routine. I believe
this
Linking Words
 is true to some extent, and it can lead to several serious problems in the long term.
Firstly
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, the reason why
people
Use synonyms
 rely so much on medicine is that it provides quick results and solutions. Nowadays, life is very stressful. Individuals, especially young adults, feel they do not exercise or cook healthy meals.
For instance
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,
people
Use synonyms
 would rather take the painkillers and some kind of vitamins rather than improve their diet and sleep schedule.
As a result
Linking Words
, they practically become addicted to these easy solutions and stop thinking about the importance of daily healthy routines.
Moreover
Linking Words
, another issue is that some
people
Use synonyms
 fully believe that doctors can fix anything, so they do not try to change anything about their lifestyle on their own. When individuals rely too much on medical treatments, they may ignore important habits that they once had ,
such
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 as
,
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apply
show examples
 eating well, staying active and having a fixed sleep schedule.
This
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 can result in serious disabilities like diabetes or heart disease, which are practically impossible to treat fully once they start to develop. A healthy lifestyle
Linking Words
on
Punctuation problem
, on
show examples
 the other hand, can prevent many illnesses before they appear. In conclusion, I strongly believe that relying on medicine is not
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 correct way to stay healthy. In my view,
people
Use synonyms
 should focus more on daily choices
such
Linking Words
 as exercise, balanced food, and rest because these habits can prevent many illnesses and reduce the need for medical treatment.

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task
Be clear in your view from the start and keep it the same throughout the essay.
structure
Put one main idea in each paragraph and use a simple plan.
content
Add small, real examples and say how they show your point.
grammar
Check small grammar mistakes, like comma use and word order.
structure
Your first and last parts show your view and give a close end.
coherence
Link words such as firstly and moreover help ideas flow.
content
You give ideas about health and illness in a clear way.
structure
There is a steady flow of thoughts most of the time.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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