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Writing Samples
Band 5

Many parents today rely on technology to keep their children entertained. Some people believe this is harmful and should be limited, while others think it is a useful tool for children’s development. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Technology
Use synonyms
 has brought tremendous benefits to human lives. Many parents believe that it is
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 best source of entertainment for their offspring;
however
Linking Words
, some individuals argue that it has a detrimental
on
Check wording
effect on
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children
Use synonyms
's health and should be restricted. In my opinion,
technology
Use synonyms
 has an adverse effect on the
hollistic
Correct your spelling
holistic
 development of a child, and it should be limited. On the one hand,
children
Use synonyms
 adopt a sedentary lifestyle at a very young age.
Children
Use synonyms
 often prefer to play video games compared to outdoor activities.
This
Linking Words
 change really affects their productivity
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and physical health. When parents taught their kids that
technology
Use synonyms
 is an excellent medium of entertainment, their
children
Use synonyms
 believed it
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 and started investing their leisure time online.
As a result
Linking Words
, young ones find it comfortable to stay inside rather than going out.
For instance
Linking Words
, a study conducted by Oxford University in 2024 demonstrates that over the
last
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 7 years, 78% of school-going
children
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 suffer from various health issues
due to
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 no physical
activities
Fix the agreement mistake
activity
show examples
 for the whole day.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
technology
Use synonyms
 fosters the development of cognitive skills. Kids become more creative by playing mind games online. They start learning things quickly with the assistance of AI.
For example
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, everything is available online, and full access to something develops more interest
of
Change preposition
in
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 people, which enhances their problem-solving skills.
Moreover
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,
technology
Use synonyms
 provides the audio and visual representation of the specific topics, which helps in escalating the interest of youngsters. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
technology
Use synonyms
 plays a significant role in improving the interest and cognitive abilities of
children
Use synonyms
, the long-term impact of AI cannot be neglected.
Therefore
Linking Words
, parents should take care of their kids by allowing them a limited time to spend on social media or any online platforms.

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structure
Add a clear plan for ideas. State the view, then the other view, and end with your own call.
content
Keep each idea short and to the point. Do not go too far from the main point.
content
Give real and small proof for each idea, like a short fact or note that is easy to check.
grammar
Fix small grammar errors. Use 'to' after detrimental, and 'to' before health.
coherence
Use easy link words to show cause, contrast, and order (for example, 'also', 'but', 'as a result').
conclusion
End with one clear rule for parents on how long kids may use tech.
structure
Clear plan with start, two sides, and end.
ideas
Shows both view and your own view.
content
Uses simple ideas and some facts about tech use.
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