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Writing Samples /
Band 7

People who travel to another country to live, work or study for a period of time often suffer badly from homesickness. Why is it? What are the best ways to reduce this problem?

#people #travel #country #work #study #period #time #homesickness
It is undoubtedly the case that
people
 worldwide increasingly suffer from lonely and homesickness
due to
 travelling abroad for work or study or for total immigration. There are several reasons that have led to
this
 problem, and various measures could be taken by
governments
 and individuals to improve the situation. There are a variety of different factors that have led
people
 to feel lonely and isolated when they travel to another country for education to find another job or for total immigration. One of the major causes can be that the travellers move alone to another country without their friends which
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 led them to feel lonely and isolated,
moreover
, some leave their countries without their spouses and their kids as they want to save the biggest amount of money as they can. The second reason is that some
people
 suffer from different languages in other countries and different cultures,
for instance
 when an Egyptian student travels to the US in the first year he will suffer from language and accent,
moreover
, it will take time for him to adapt at
this
 new culture and traditions. Despite some obvious reasons described above, there are several actions that
governments
 and individuals could take to solve
this
 problem.
Firstly
, a simple solution would be to make
people
 feel less lonely is to
contacting
Wrong verb form
contact
show examples
 their families daily through social media apps,
for instance
, Facebook and Instagram apps,
moreover
, they can redecorate their flats and hang pictures for their family members. The second solution would be for
governments
 to make it easy for residents to bring their families with them,
furthermore
,
governments
 could help residents by providing them with low-cost flats and low-cost school fees to help them to bring their families with them. In conclusion, despite some obvious reasons, various measures can be taken to tackle the problem of suffering badly from homesickness when
people
 travel to different countries.
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task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to support your points. This will make your arguments stronger and more convincing. For instance, describing a particular scenario or giving statistics might be helpful.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to paragraph development. Some sections feel slightly disjointed. Ensuring each paragraph flows smoothly into the next will improve the coherence of your essay.
task achievement
You addressed the task well by discussing both the causes of homesickness and suggesting solutions. This shows a good understanding of the task requirement.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which provides a nice framework for your ideas.
task achievement
You have offered practical solutions to the problem, demonstrating a good grasp of potential measures that could be taken.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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