IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Scientists agree that many people eat too much junk food and it is damaging their health. Some people think that this problem can be solved by educating people, while others believe that education will not work. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

It is often argued that educating
people
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 about the risks and outcomes of eating junk
food
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 regularly can overcome the problem of an unhealthy diet.
This
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 essay partly agrees with
this
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 view.
Although
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 teaching
people
Use synonyms
 how unhealthy
food
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 damages their bodies could show positive results, providing healthier options at affordable prices and sports facilities plays a big part. Increasing
people
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’s awareness of how unhealthy
food
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 affects the body in the long term is an effective starting point. Regularly eating meals high in fat and sugar can lead to serious health issues
such
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 as obesity, diabetes, and heart disease. When individuals understand these risks, they may be more motivated to change their routines.
For example
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, many schools organise yearly competitions where students track their weight and fitness levels from January to December, and the winner is the student who shows the biggest improvement.
This
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 type of activity encourages young
people
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 to follow a healthier lifestyle and build better habits.
However
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, education alone cannot solve the issue, because
people
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 often choose junk
food
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 simply because it is cheaper and more convenient. Lowering the price of healthy
food
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 is essential to help families choose better options.
In addition
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, sports facilities should be available in every neighbourhood so residents feel encouraged to exercise regularly.
For instance
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,
this
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 idea has already been applied in some areas of Saudi Arabia, where outdoor exercise machines were installed in local parks, resulting in a noticeable increase in visitors who now use them. In conclusion,
while
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 educating
people
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 about the dangers of junk
food
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 is important, it is not enough on its own. Making nutritious
food
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 affordable and providing free, accessible sports facilities is the most effective way to promote a healthier lifestyle.

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structure
Plan your essay with a clear start, mid part, and end. Put the main idea at the start of each part to guide the reader.
content
Give more clear real examples and show why they prove your point. Mention a fact about price or access when you can.
language
Use only common words. If you spot hard words, swap them for easy ones to keep the task rule.
task response
Make your own view very clear in the last line of the last paragraph and restate it in the end.
content
You show a clear view and give steps to help the issue.
language
You use real examples to support your ideas.
structure
The text is easy to read and the ideas follow in order.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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