IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In some countries, the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?

When it
talks
Verb problem
comes
show examples
 to the
health
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
, some
people
Use synonyms
 may opine that it is decreasing nowadays. Since
people
Use synonyms
getting
Verb problem
are getting
show examples
 more and more weight,
this
Linking Words
 may lead to a decline in
people
Use synonyms
's
health
Use synonyms
 and fitness. In
this
Linking Words
 essay,
it
Correct pronoun usage
I
show examples
is
Verb problem
will
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 going to talk about the reason
of
Change preposition
for
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this
Linking Words
 situation
form
Check wording
apply
show examples
and provide
people
Use synonyms
 with some suggestions.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, one of the
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 why
people
Use synonyms
getting
Verb problem
gain
show examples
weighter
Correct your spelling
weight
 is
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of
exercise
Use synonyms
. Nowadays,
people
Use synonyms
 seldom
do
Verb problem
apply
show examples
exercise
Use synonyms
 as they are quite busy. In Hong Kong, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
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are
Verb problem
apply
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work
Use synonyms
 hard in order to earn more money. They are working from 9 a.m. to 9 p.m.
sometime
Fix the agreement mistake
sometimes
show examples
, so
theywill
Correct your spelling
they will
 feel very tired after
work
Use synonyms
,
as well as
Linking Words
do
Verb problem
apply
show examples
not have free
time
Use synonyms
 to do
exercise
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
university
Fix the agreement mistake
universities
show examples
 in Hong Kong do not push
students
Use synonyms
 to do
exercise
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, some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
university
Fix the agreement mistake
universities
show examples
 in Hong Kong do not provide Physical Education to
students
Use synonyms
 as well.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the chance of
students
Use synonyms
to do
Wrong verb form
doing
show examples
exercise
Use synonyms
 is decreasing. They can only do the
exercise
Use synonyms
 by themselves rather than
a
Change preposition
in a
show examples
compulsory lesson.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 nowadays do not prefer walking by themselves
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 they may use the lifts as soon as possible.
Thus
Linking Words
, the
exercise
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 is decreasing. Another reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the
situtaion
Correct your spelling
situation
 may
caused
Verb problem
be
show examples
 is
people
Use synonyms
 do not have a
Use synonyms
health
Replace the word
healthy
show examples
 menu. As
mention
Replace the word
mentioned
show examples
 above,
people
Use synonyms
 are busy with their
work
Use synonyms
 and
do nt
Correct your spelling
don't
 have
many
Fix the agreement mistake
much
show examples
 free
time
Use synonyms
.
Hence
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 will not eat breakfast
sometiome
Correct your spelling
sometimes
 and go out to have their lunch and dinner. Since cooking need to
take
Wrong verb form
takes
show examples
 a long
time
Use synonyms
,
people
Use synonyms
 are
so
Rephrase
too
show examples
 tired to do so. They will prefer a faster way, which is
go
Verb problem
to go
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 out to eat
fash
Use the right word
fast
show examples
 food.
However
Linking Words
, fast food is
unhealth
Use the right word
unhealthy
show examples
 for
people
Use synonyms
 always eat as it is
in high
Correct word order
high in
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 oil,
high
Correct word choice
apply
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sugar and
high
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
salt.
As a result
Linking Words
, the
health
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 will decrease if they keep eating
fash
Use the right word
fast
show examples
 food
everyday
Use the right word
every day
show examples
.
Also
Linking Words
, the
health
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 will decrease because
people
Use synonyms
 do not have enough
sleeping
Check wording
sleep
show examples
 hours. It is
remember
Wrong verb form
remembered
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 that there is a
reserach
Correct your spelling
research
 point out that most teenagers do not have enough sleeping hours. Sleeping is very important for
students
Use synonyms
 and
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
 as well, it can allow
people
Use synonyms
 to take a rest and recharge themselves. If
people
Use synonyms
 do not have enough sleep, their bodies cannot rest as well.
This
Linking Words
 may cause a decrease in their
health
Use synonyms
. Coupling with the above are the reasons why
people
Use synonyms
get
Verb problem
gain
show examples
weighter
Correct your spelling
weight
, there are some
suggestion
Fix the agreement mistake
suggestions
show examples
 to solve
this
Linking Words
 problem.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
university
Fix the agreement mistake
universities
show examples
 should add a PE
leson
Correct your spelling
lesson
 for
students
Use synonyms
 in order to increase their
time
Use synonyms
 of doing
exercise
Use synonyms
. It is better that
students
Use synonyms
 can do
exercise
Use synonyms
 every week and help
the
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
build a habit. For adult, the companies can increase a
seesion
Correct your spelling
session
 for fitness, which
allow
Correct subject-verb agreement
allows
show examples
 their
empolyee
Correct your spelling
employees
 to put down their
work
Use synonyms
 and take
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 to do the
exercise
Use synonyms
. In
these
Fix the agreement mistake
this
show examples
 situation, the fitness of
people
Use synonyms
 can be
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
 and it can bring
advantage
Fix the agreement mistake
advantages
show examples
 for
people
Use synonyms
 as well.
In addition
Linking Words
, it is suggested that
Correct article usage
the goverment
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goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 should make a
promotion
Replace the word
promotional
show examples
 video and show
on
Correct pronoun usage
it on
show examples
 the public transports
orthe
Correct your spelling
or the
 MTR stations.
People
Use synonyms
 can know the benefits of doing
exercise
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 regularly,
as well as
Linking Words
 know more drawbacks
may
Correct pronoun usage
that may
show examples
cause
Verb problem
occur
show examples
 if they do not do
exercise
Use synonyms
 in their daily life. In conclusion, there are
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
reasone
Correct your spelling
reasons
 and
suggestion
Fix the agreement mistake
suggestions
show examples
 for
Use synonyms
people
Check wording
people's
show examples
health
Use synonyms
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
. It is
hope
Replace the word
hoped
show examples
 that
people
Use synonyms
 can start to do more
exercise
Use synonyms
 in their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 and take care
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their
health
Use synonyms
.

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structure
Plan your essay. Make one clear plan before you write. Start with a short intro, then two or three body sections that talk about causes and ways to fix them. End with a short conclusion.
grammar
Use simple and clear grammar. Check grammar and spell words well. Use past or present tense correctly and fix errors like 'getting weighter' to 'getting heavier' or 'weight' and 'health'.
content
Give one clear example for each idea. In each paragraph, give a fact or an example from life in your area. Do not only talk in general.
coherence
Link your ideas with good words like 'first', 'also', 'but', 'then', 'in addition'.
content
The essay is about both cause and fix. This shows good aim.
content
The idea of busy work life and fast food is easy to see and easy to show.
structure
There is some plan to add PE and work time for exercise.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary
  • obesity
  • overweight
  • physical activity
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • exercise
  • unhealthy diet
  • fast food
  • urbanization
  • modernization
  • stress
  • awareness
  • education
  • government intervention
  • policies
  • promotion
  • sports
  • fitness programs
  • health education
  • taxation
  • public transportation
  • infrastructure
  • parks
  • recreational spaces
What to do next:
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