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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The chart below gives information about the amount of time children spend with their parents. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graphs envision the amount of
time
Use synonyms
 that children
pass
Verb problem
spend
show examples
 with their parents on regular
week days
Use the right word
weekdays
show examples
 and weekends.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that during the entire
week
Add a comma
week,
show examples
 the least
time
Use synonyms
 is spent with fathers across all age
groups
Use synonyms
. On weekdays, the biggest amount of
time
Use synonyms
 is
being
Verb problem
apply
show examples
spent with mothers in all age
groups
Use synonyms
. Infants have about 8
hours
Use synonyms
, which is pretty similar to the children of
2
Correct article usage
the 2
show examples
-3 and 6-7 age
groups
Use synonyms
.
Meanwhile
Add a comma
Meanwhile,
show examples
 the least amount of
time
Use synonyms
 is spent with their fathers. Kids aged 6-7 and 2-3 spend only 1 hour daily, which is 6 times less compared to their mothers. Regarding the weekends, the majority of
time
Use synonyms
 is allocated
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 both mom and dad. On
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
weekdays
Punctuation problem
weekdays,
show examples
 all the
groups
Use synonyms
 spend no more than 2
hours
Use synonyms
 with both parents
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
Linking Words
however
Punctuation problem
however,
show examples
 on the
weekend
Punctuation problem
weekend,
show examples
 it increases to 5.5
hours
Use synonyms
. Pupils aged 4-5 allocate 1 hour with both parents on the regular days
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 during the weekend
time
Use synonyms
 increases to 6
hours
Use synonyms
 , which is 6 times more.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words time, groups, hours with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increases" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • time
  • hours
  • days
  • week
  • weekend
  • mother
  • father
  • parents
  • with
  • together
  • alone
  • both
  • younger
  • older
  • child
  • children
  • more
  • less
  • higher
  • lower
  • increase
  • decrease
  • rise
  • fall
  • overall
  • pattern
  • trend
  • weekday
  • weekend
  • compare
  • compared with
  • as well as
  • however
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