It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

Some individuals believe that taking
risks
is a crucial issue not only in their career
lives
but
also
in their personal
lives
. In my opinion, the drawbacks of
this
activity are twofold and outweigh the benefits of it. First of all, members of the public who take
risks
in their job
lives
may lose all of their achievements in the blink of an eye. Actually,
although
they have a lot of knowledge in their fields, every person can make mistakes, and some of them are significantly disruptive.
In addition
,
people
who have
this
spirit are easily deceived, so businesses manipulate them.
For instance
, the majority of members of society lose all of their budget, which they collect in their
lives
, by investing in pyramidal companies for a higher profit.
Further
and even more importantly,
people
who have a tendency to take
risks
even if they succeed and obtain a huge amount of money,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
do not have
mind's
Correct article usage
a mind's
show examples
health. Indeed, these
people
always have stress that leads to detrimental effects on their health.
Moreover
, whenever these ambitious
people
,
due to
their preferences, opt
something
Change preposition
for something
show examples
in their personal
lives
, they do not care about their extended or immediate family's attitudes. They,
hence
, have a high possibility
to destroy
Change preposition
of destroying
show examples
their relationships, and they get
alone
Correct your spelling
along
show examples
after a period of time.
Thus
,
this
issue is prone to several ailments,
such
as depression. In conclusion, taking
risks
can cause several diseases and waste money.
Therefore
, irrespective of some short-term positive aspects of it,
people
must avoid it.
Submitted by speher2000behroozifar on

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Task Response
You have presented a balanced viewpoint on the topic and have included an introduction and a strong conclusion. To enhance your essay, ensure your main ideas are fully developed with additional examples or explanations.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay is logically organized with an effective introduction and conclusion. However, some transitional phrases or sentences could be more varied to improve the natural flow of the argument.
Task Response
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frames the response.
Coherence and Cohesion
Main ideas are logically structured, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct disadvantage of risk-taking.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Opportunities
  • Growth
  • Innovation
  • Challenges
  • Self-discovery
  • Resilience
  • Uncertainty
  • Consequences
  • Calculated risks
  • Stagnation
  • Regret
  • Comfort zone
  • Entrepreneurship
  • Adventurous spirit
  • Thriving
  • Failure
  • Mitigate
  • Reap the rewards
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