Nowadays people are not fit and active as before. These will have negative effect in the future health. What are the reasons and solutions to this issue?

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In
this
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contemporary era, societies are not as fit and energetic as before. These will have a negative
impacts
Correct the article-noun agreement
impact
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on future
health
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. In
this
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essay, I will provide some opinions on the matter. In
this
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era, most
people
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are not as fit and active as before. these can to lead some negative impacts on future
health
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. I think
this
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is because there are some factors that influence these
problems
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.
firstly
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,
people
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have a bad lifestyle like, they often work hard and stay up to finish their jobs.
secondly
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,
people
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are never exercising to maintain their
health
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.
thirdly
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, they often eat fast food that if they eat
this
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meal, will hazard their
health
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in the future.
Therefore
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, most
people
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are not energetic because of those factors.
On the other hand
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, there are a lot of solutions to overcome
people
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who are not as fit and active as before.
Firstlyfirstly
Correct your spelling
Firstly
, if there are
people
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who often stay up and work hard to finish their jobs, they must reduce
this
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lifestyle. They must sleep early before midnight to maintain their
health
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.
secondly
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,
people
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must exercise a minimum of three times a week to make their bodies healthy.
for example
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, they must be running a minimum of three times in the field.
thirdly
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, they must replace
their
Change the word
the
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food that
before
Correct pronoun usage
they before
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eating junk foods become vegetable food.
Hence
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, there are a lot of solutions to overcome these
problems
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. In conclusion, nowadays, societies are not as energetic and healthy as before.
This
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is because there are some factors that lead to these
problems
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.
on the other hand
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, there are many solutions to reduce these
problems
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by akbarsurya264 on

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task achievement
Work on expanding the range of examples and explanations to support key points. Adding more details or specific instances can reinforce your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to review grammar and vocabulary to avoid minor errors, particularly in sentence structure and word choice, which can affect clarity.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the task well, covering key aspects of both causes and solutions with a structured approach.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly stated, framing the discussion effectively for the reader.
coherence cohesion
Efforts to connect ideas through transitional words exhibit good cohesion and are valuable to improve the flow of the argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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