IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that, the internet has brought people closer together by making world smaller. Others disagree, claiming that, the internet has made people and communities more isolated, because they no longer need to leave home and interact with others. Discuss both views.

Some
people
Use synonyms
 these days have differing ideas as regards
effect
Correct article usage
the effect
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 on society. One side says that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 it makes
people
Use synonyms
 closer to each other,
whereas
Linking Words
 the other
support
Correct subject-verb agreement
supports
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 the idea of it causing
isolated
Correct article usage
an isolated
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 lifestyle.
However
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, from my point of view, I consider
Correct article usage
the advantage
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advantage
Fix the agreement mistake
advantages
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 of
Correct article usage
the utilization
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utilization
Change the spelling
utilisation
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 of
Use synonyms
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 superior
than
Change preposition
to
show examples
drawbacks
Correct article usage
the drawbacks
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.
However
Linking Words
, I will discuss both viewpoints.
To begin
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 with, recently, many
people
Use synonyms
 live
inactive
Correct article usage
an inactive
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 and
introvert
Replace the word
introverted
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 life
due to
Linking Words
development
Correct article usage
the development
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 of
Use synonyms
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 and technology. Foremost, some part of society prefer
stay
Verb problem
to stay
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 at home,
depends
Wrong verb form
depend
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 on meeting with
friend
Fix the agreement mistake
friends
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 or relatives
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 it makes them lazier. So, they are just using
Use synonyms
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 and social media,
such
Linking Words
 as Instagram,
Whatsapp
Check wording
apply
show examples
to communicate with each other.
That is
Linking Words
 why
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 consider, celebrations are not as
our
Change preposition
in our
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 childhood, so we can’t feel the same atmosphere and mood.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
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to
Change preposition
apply
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obesity, as well. These kind
persons
Check wording
people
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 who don’t want to go anywhere,
also
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 don’t
held
Verb problem
like
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 to do
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
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 or active hobbies.
Therefore
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, they
gaining
Verb problem
are gaining
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 unnecessary weight.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 is useful to update information around the world and to keep in touch with ourselves. We can learn various
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
show examples
news
Change preposition
of news
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 from each part of the world
by
Change preposition
on
show examples
Use synonyms
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
. I guess, all of us have friends or relatives in different countries
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 when we talk with them on online platforms
by
Change preposition
on
show examples
Use synonyms
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
, we can observe
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 how
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 beneficial it is.
Furthermore
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, it has
positive
Correct article usage
a positive
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 impact
to
Change preposition
on
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 our budget and time availability.
For instance
Linking Words
, when we
have shopping
Wrong verb form
shop
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in
Change preposition
on
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 online applications, namely, Alibaba, Shopfest, we can find many options of
item
Fix the agreement mistake
items
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 and low prices,
also
Linking Words
 there are some discounts. By the way, we can save more time with online shopping and working at home
by
Change preposition
through
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network
Correct article usage
the network
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.
To sum up
Linking Words
, considering
influences
Correct article usage
the influences
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 of
Use synonyms
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
, I
had
Wrong verb form
have
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 come to the conclusion that,
internet
Use synonyms
 is an integral part of our life and it has more benefits than
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 disadvantages. But, we should use it for better goals and more
productive
Replace the word
productivity
show examples
.

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task response
Be clear about your view from the start and keep it steady. Give two or three main ideas with strong examples to show your point.
coherence cohesion
Make one big idea in each paragraph. Start with a topic sentence that tells the idea. Use simple link words to show how ideas fit.
task response
The essay gives a clear view that the internet has good sides.
coherence
The writer tries to show both sides of the topic.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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