In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sum of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Other believes the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. Discuss both views and give your opinion

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While
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some people argue it is essential for governments to allocate large amounts of
money
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to the construction of newly constructed railway lines to give service for commuters to move from one city to another, others think it is better for countries to spend the budget on enhancing public transportation
that is
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already available. I agree with the latter
group
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, and in the following essay, I will explain what my reasons are. Some citizens believe in the idea which says new is better. They consider newer equipment and devices more efficient and useful, and
that is
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why they would rather replace their old railway lines with new ones. To illustrate
this
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, it can be observed in some cities that the municipality is always considering building new places to satisfy the inhabitants' needs.
On the other hand
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, there is a second
group
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of residents who see
this
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as a waste of
money
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, time, and energy. They see far beyond enjoying new places with modern technology.
This
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group
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holds the view of investing for the future of their community. They argue if the existing public transportation is good enough to be updated and improved with less amount of
money
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, there is no need to waste a large sum of
money
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to build a new one for the sake of luxury. They see it more profitable if authorities prioritize the budget, and spend it on more important issues, or save it for a rainy day. I totally agree with the second
group
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since there is no necessity to waste a country's resources on facilities which are already available
,
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apply
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and can be improved easily. It is better for every country to think forward, to have big plans, and to spend their
money
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on cases which can lead to their progress on a big scale.
For instance
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, decision-makers can use their budgets to make new laboratories, or educational
centers
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centres
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which will benefit them in the future. In conclusion,
although
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a large number of people prefer to have newly-made modern railway lines to be used by passengers commuting between cities, I regard it as a wrong way to spend the resources which can be redirected to more essential sectors of communities.
Submitted by faranakasadzadian on

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task achievement
The essay addresses the task effectively with a clear stance, but it could benefit from additional specific examples to strengthen the argument.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, consider using more transitional words and phrases to better link the ideas and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Well-structured essay with a clear introduction and conclusion that effectively outlines the writer's opinion.
task achievement
The response is generally clear and the main ideas are relevant to the task prompt.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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