IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?

People
Use synonyms
living
Verb problem
are living
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
longer
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 than ever before in many countries, especially developed countries
because
Punctuation problem
, because
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 of the advancement in the health
sector
Use synonyms
.
An elderly
Correct determiner usage
Elderly
show examples
 citizens
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
create
extra
Correct article usage
an extra
show examples
 burden to the
government
Use synonyms
 by means of responsibilities to take
care
Use synonyms
 of aged
people
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 it brings some benefits to
the society by
Correct word order
society by the
show examples
 exchange of experience, knowledge between elderly and young
people
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, because of the advancement in the health industry, inhabitants are living
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
longer
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 trend will continue to grow because of the invention of
vaccine
Fix the agreement mistake
vaccines
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 various diseases, improvement in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
medical instruments,
new
Punctuation problem
new,
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 better
way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
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 to treat
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
existing diseases, etc., meaning
Use synonyms
government
Fix the agreement mistake
governments
show examples
 have to
expense
Verb problem
spend
show examples
 more and employ more
population
Check wording
people
show examples
 to take
care
Use synonyms
 of the senior citizens. Governments have to
increase
Use synonyms
 the tax
rate
Use synonyms
 on
goods
Use synonyms
 or
tariff
Correct article usage
the tariff
show examples
rate
Use synonyms
 on imported
goods
Use synonyms
or
Punctuation problem
, or
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 reduce the expense of one
sector
Use synonyms
 to bear the extra expenses. When
tax
Correct article usage
the tax
show examples
rate
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
increase
Fix the agreement mistake
increases
show examples
 on
goods
Use synonyms
,
prices
Correct article usage
the prices
show examples
 of those
goods
Use synonyms
 will
increase
Use synonyms
,
means
Correct pronoun usage
which means
show examples
 that
people
Use synonyms
 have to pay more on purchasing
goods
Use synonyms
.
Also
Linking Words
, whenever
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
increase
Use synonyms
 the tariff
rate
Use synonyms
 on the necessity imported items, importers will pass the increased amount on
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
 end consumers.
Overall
Linking Words
, the standard of living of the citizens will fall.
Sometime
Use the right word
Sometimes
show examples
 governments have to reduce the budget in one important
sector
Use synonyms
 so that they can bear the extra expenses to take
care
Use synonyms
 of the elderly
people
Use synonyms
, rather than investing
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 a
sector
Use synonyms
 which could generate revenue and employment.
For instance
Linking Words
, in Canada, Japan,
etc.
Punctuation problem
etc.,
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 where
life
Use synonyms
 expectancy is over 80 years,
huge
Correct article usage
a huge
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 amount of money is
spending
Wrong verb form
spent
show examples
 by the
government
Use synonyms
 to take
of
Check wording
care of
show examples
 the elderly
people
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, when the
Use synonyms
life long
Use the right word
lifelong
show examples
 experience of aged
people
Use synonyms
shared
Verb problem
is shared
show examples
 with
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 generation, they will
be benefited
Wrong verb form
benefit
show examples
. As they experience lots of things in their
life
Use synonyms
,
so
Change preposition
apply
show examples
they can guide young
people
Use synonyms
 to overcome
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a particular difficulty that elderly
people
Use synonyms
already
Verb problem
have already
show examples
 faced. In conclusion, despite the benefits it brings to the youth,
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the burden it brings to the
government
Use synonyms
 to take
care
Use synonyms
 of them and indirectly
affecting
Wrong verb form
affects
show examples
 the population can not be neglected. In my opinion, the disadvantages outweigh the advantages.

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structure
Make one main idea per paragraph and add clear examples.
language
Use shorter sentences and simple grammar to avoid mistakes.
examples
Give real facts or data to back up each point.
editing
Check spelling and word form before you write.
task
In the intro say what you will look at, and in the end restate your view.
content
You talk about both sides of the issue.
structure
There is a clear view at the end.
coherence
Some linking words help to tie ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • ageing population
  • benefits
  • disadvantages
  • advantages
  • experience
  • knowledge
  • contribution
  • economy
  • society
  • healthcare
  • youth employment
  • community
  • intergenerational support
  • volunteerism
  • mentorship
  • increased demand
  • pension costs
  • social welfare systems
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • intergenerational conflict
  • technological adaptability
  • dependency
  • effective
  • skill development
  • employment opportunities
  • intergenerational solidarity
  • communication
  • lifelong learning
  • technological literacy
  • age-friendly
  • social policies
  • infrastructure
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