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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

some people think yhat the main benefit of international cooperation is in the protection of the environment, while others believe that businesses mainly benefil. discuss both these views and give your own opinion

#people #yhat #benefit #cooperation #protection #environment #businesses #benefil
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These days, we can see global
countries
 have a connection with each other, so a group of people believe that
this
 factor helps them to protect the environment;
in contrast
, others think that
this
cooperation
 has several advantages for business. I subscribe to the second idea owing to the fact that we cannot see the protections that aid global inhabitants to avoid elements that destroy surroundings;
however
, when two
countries
 cut their
cooperation
 with each other the main workers that fail are the businesses that have a relation with another country. On the one hand, global
cooperation
 with all governments creates an opportunity for scientists can investigate the world and find the main reasons that the climate of Earth has altered, the forest sectors have reduced, ice, in both North and South Polar, has melted,and a range of wild creatures died-out and so on. To illustrate , when they can find the cause of these matters, they can solve these problems and send their results to their authorities, but the issues do not change visually;
consequently
, these connections do not have a lot of results.
On the other hand
,
cooperation
 has a number of benefits for businesses to develop and have good profits.
In other words
, when companies create items in their
countries
 they are not able to sell them really well inasmuch as their society is limited;
nevertheless
, if they send their goods to other
countries
 they can improve their profits.
For example
, the Apple company earn a great deal of money from other
countries
instead
 of the USA.
To sum up
, in my view, if the governments become friends with each other, companies can be improved in all aspects
instead
 of environmental factors.
Submitted by maryamkazemi968 on

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coherence cohesion
In some parts of the essay, ideas could be more clearly stated. For example, the transitions between sentences and paragraphs could be improved for better clarity and flow. Work on ensuring each paragraph smoothly transitions into the next.
task achievement
To achieve a higher score, try to develop your ideas fully with more detailed explanations and examples. This would better demonstrate your comprehensive understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Ensure that examples provided are specific and directly support the point you are making. Currently, some examples are a bit vague and need more depth.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, and conclusion that summarizes your perspective effectively.
task achievement
You have tackled both sides of the argument and expressed your opinion, which shows a good understanding of the essay task.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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