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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries, people’s eating habits are leading to obesity and other health problems. Why do so many people have unhealthy eating habits? What is the most effective way to help people improve their eating habits?

In some parts of the world, the majority of
people
Use synonyms
Verb problem
are concern
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concern
Replace the word
concerned
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 with unhealthy eating habits,
causing
Verb problem
leading
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 to obesity or other health issues. There are several reasons why
people
Use synonyms
 consume poor diets
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 effective strategies are required to encourage healthier eating.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, a lot of individuals find it challenging to consume
healthier
Replace the word
healthily
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 in many countries. One of the core driving factors is that busy lifestyle. Namely, those who
engaged
Wrong verb form
engage
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 with work and family commitments, individuals often rely on fast food or ready-made meals, which are convenient, but high in sugar, salt, and fat.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the widespread availability of junk food in supermarkets, restaurants, and other cafes can create an option for
people
Use synonyms
 who have difficulties with healthy eating. Nowadays, the development of advertising and social media
also
Linking Words
contribute
Correct subject-verb agreement
contributes
show examples
 to unhealthy
consuming
Verb problem
eating
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, promoting poor-quality foods and lacking essential vitamins.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are a number of achievable approaches to improve healthy nutritional habits.
Initially
Linking Words
, the government and educational institutions should raise awareness
about
Change preposition
that
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 healthy eating is vital. To be precise, they should offer practical advice on balanced nutrition. Namely, schools ought to include more lessons or seminars,
in contrast
Linking Words
, media campaigns need to support
people
Use synonyms
 to consume food which
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 full of nutrients
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as fruit and vegetables. In conclusion, the rise in obesity and related health problems is largely
due to
Linking Words
 busy lifestyles, easy access to unhealthy foods, and persuasive marketing. Promoting awareness through educational ways is
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
 efficient method to help
people
Use synonyms
 adopt better eating habits.

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structure
Plan before you write. Use one main idea in each part and connect it with clear words. Have a short intro, some body parts, and a clear end.
grammar
Fix bad word use and grammar. For example, 'concern with' should be 'concerned about'.
content
Add one or two real, small examples to show your points.
coherence
Keep the flow calm by using the same idea in each paragraph and finish with a clear end.
content
You try to answer both questions and give ideas.
coherence
You use some linking words to show ideas.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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