IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that a huge amount of time and money is spent on the protection of wild animals. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion

A large proportion of society claims that a massive amount of
time
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 and
money
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 is allocated to the protection of wild species. From my perspective, biodiversity is essential for a balanced ecosystem. So, we should devote a lot of
money
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 to
this
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 issue to tackle the problems that the human race brings to
this
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 world.
To begin
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 with, a balanced ecosystem is vital for our world. Wild
animals
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 are a crucial part of
this
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 biodiversity. These
animals
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 are part of a food chain. If
this
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 species becomes extinct in an ecosystem, the food chain will transform.
This
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 transformation can cause a butterfly effect. Ultimately, the whole
environment
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 will be affected.
Moreover
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, over the
last
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 century, human activities have destroyed the
environment
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.
As a result
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, the current environmental circumstances are
due to
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 our activities.
For example
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, deforestation in the Amazon destroyed a lot of
animals
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' habitat without considering the results.
Therefore
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, it is our duty to take care of our actions, and we should invest
money
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 and
time
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 in rebuilding these habitats.
On the other hand
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, focusing too much on just protecting
animals
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 is wrong. Individuals should
also
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 consider devoting
time
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 and
money
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 to education. In schools, children can learn how to behave in their
environment
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. Teachers can lecture about what activities are beneficial or harmful for the
environment
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.
Consequently
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, in the future, these pupils will protect the
environment
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.
In addition
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, another part of
this
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 investment can be spent on improving environmental policies. These policies can protect wild
animals
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 in a simple way. Because they will limit human interference.
To conclude
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,
although
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 a lot of
money
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 is spent on environmental protection, it is necessary to keep the
environment
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 balanced, and some proportion of
this
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time
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 and
money
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 can be spent on education and law.

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Task Response
Answer the question directly and keep ideas close to the topic. Add more clear proof for each point, with one strong example in each body paragraph.
Coherence and Cohesion
Every paragraph should have a clear main idea. Start with a short topic sentence. Use simple linking words to show how ideas go together.
Language use
Use common and simple words. Check grammar and verb form. Keep sentences short and clear.
Organization
Stick to four parts: intro, two body parts, and conclusion. Restate your main point in the end.
Content
Clear view that protecting wild animals is important.
Content
Good examples such as the Amazon deforestation mentioned.
Structure
Easy to read flow with linking words.
Organization
Intro and conclusion are present.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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