IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

There are many reasons that can motivate a person to stay working for the same company. Some believe that money is the main reason. Do you agree or disagree?

There are a large number of reasons that can encourage employees to remain working for the same business, and it is thought by some that the key reason is salary.
This
Linking Words
 essay completely disagrees with that statement because manageable working
hours
Use synonyms
 and a comfortable environment are the most significant reasons. The working environment is very important for workers and motivates them. That means when employees
work
Use synonyms
 in a non-stressful and friendly atmosphere, they will be more cooperative and build good relationships with their colleagues.
As a result
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 of that, they become attached to the place and are not willing to change it.
For example
Linking Words
, it has been shown in a survey that
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 large percentage of people who
work
Use synonyms
 for
same
Correct article usage
the same
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 business for
long
Correct article usage
a long
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 time are very comfortable there. The number of
hours
Use synonyms
 that workers spend
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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in
Change preposition
at
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work
Use synonyms
 is significant for their retention in the same company.
This
Linking Words
 is because if they spend about 8
hours
Use synonyms
 per day for 5 days a week, they will have enough time to rest, look after their families and have leisure time for themselves. So they can get
Correct article usage
a balanced
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balanced
Replace the word
balance
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live
Rephrase
apply
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between
work
Use synonyms
, family and entertainment,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
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 them continue in the same working place.
For example
Linking Words
, in my country, companies with high turnover of employees have very tough working
hours
Use synonyms
 and
less
Fix the agreement mistake
fewer
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off days
Correct word order
days off
show examples
 per
each
Correct determiner usage
apply
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week. In conclusion,
this
Linking Words
 essay totally disagrees
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that people do not change their cooperation because of money, and assumes that non
toxic
Correct word choice
non-toxic
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 atmosphere and
length
Correct article usage
the length
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 of
working
Correct article usage
the working
show examples
 shift are the more important reasons.

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task response
Your view is clear at the start. Keep this clear all through the essay. Add more reasons and give a short, real link to why they help workers stay with one company.
coherence or cohesion
Put one main idea in each paragraph. After the idea, add one or two points to explain it. Use simple connect words to join ideas so the reader can see the path from one point to the next.
coherence or cohesion
Use real and clear examples. Say where the example comes from and what it shows. Try to describe a simple case instead of general talk.
grammar
Check grammar in a few places. Fix common mistakes: 'spend it in work' should be 'spend about eight hours a day'; 'live' should be 'life'; 'non toxic atmosphere' should be 'a clean and friendly place'.
strength
The essay shows a clear view that hours and work place culture matter.
structure
There is a simple and easy plan: intro, body, and conclusion.
content
Examples are used to back points, and the writing is easy to read.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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