IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Shopping is now one of the most popular leisure activity forms in many young ‎adults. What do you think is the reason for this? Is this a positive or negative ‎development?‎

One of the most famous activities that young adults do nowadays is shopping.
This
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 is because there is a bigger
veraity
Correct your spelling
variety
 of things to buy, but it leaves the negative consequence of spending a lot of
money
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. In the modern world, there is a bigger
veraity
Correct your spelling
variety
 of things to buy in a
store
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. The import and export index is rising year by year
so
Punctuation problem
, so
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 the options in
store
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 rise more, leaving the individuals to spend more
time
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 in stores purchasing new
thing
Fix the agreement mistake
things
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 and exploring the new
optons
Correct your spelling
options
. As an example, after the Soviet Union, in Latvia the import index
rised signifficantly
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rose significantly
, which led to a
bigger
Correct word choice
greater
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veraity
Correct your spelling
variety
 of things in
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store
Fix the agreement mistake
stores
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. After
that
Add a comma
that,
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 the citizens spent more
time
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 exploring the new
items
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 and purchased them.
if
Fix capitalization
If
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 there are more new
items
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 in
store
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 for
people
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 to buy,
then
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 there will be more buyers.
Although
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 shopping is becoming popular in
todays
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today's
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time
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, it leads to
people
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 spending a lot of
money
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. If
people
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 love to spend their
time
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 in shopping
centers
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centres
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 and buying new
items
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, it
result
Correct subject-verb agreement
results
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into
Change preposition
in
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 individuals spending a huge amount of their income on new
items
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 that they don't really need. As an example, on
average
Punctuation problem
average,
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 a person
spend
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spends
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 one-fourth of their salary on shopping, which is a big amount to spend on
such
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activity
Correct article usage
an activity
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. The
acticity
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activity
 can lead to
people
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 having problems with
money
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 and not spending the right amount
for
Change preposition
on
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 it. In conclusion, because there are more opportunities for
items
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 in stores, individuals who are in the younger years of life
,
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apply
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 like to spend more
time
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 shopping. That leads to
people
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 spending amounts of
money
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 that aren't considered normal, and
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 think that leaves a negative consequence.

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structure
Link ideas between paragraphs with clear steps from one idea to the next.
content
Give one or two strong examples that are clear and true.
language
Use simple words and check spellings to improve clarity.
content
The topic is clear and the essay stays on it.
structure
There is an idea of cause and effect about store variety and spending.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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