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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Music is considered to be a way to connect people from different cultures and ages. Do you agree or disagree?

Music
Use synonyms
 has always been considered an essential part of human life, influencing emotions and traditions across the world. Many
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
music
Use synonyms
 has played
essential
Correct article usage
an essential
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 role in bringing
people
Use synonyms
 together
of
Change preposition
from
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 different
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
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 and age groups. I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement, as
music
Use synonyms
 has overcome the linguistic barriers and created
emotional
Correct article usage
an emotional
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 bond regardless of the
Use synonyms
people
Check wording
people's
show examples
 background and age.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
music
Use synonyms
 is not just about the lyrics
,
Punctuation problem
;
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 there are multiple rhythms, instruments and tunes which make it more lively.
People
Use synonyms
 from different cultures to enjoy the same rhythm even if they do not understand the words.
This
Linking Words
 helps them to overcome language barriers. There are multiple platforms where
people
Use synonyms
 can connect with each other over
music
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like
Punctuation problem
, like
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 Spotify, Apple
Music
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,
Youtube
Use the right word
YouTube Music
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music
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 and etc.
This
Linking Words
 shared platform gives them
mutual
Correct article usage
a mutual
show examples
 bond and
allow
Correct subject-verb agreement
allows
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 them to jam with their favourite artist.
For instance
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 the survey conducted by
Youtube
Use the right word
YouTube
show examples
 itself, it has been stated that 85% of
K-Pop
Use the right word
K-pop
show examples
music
Use synonyms
 listeners are not from Japan.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
music
Use synonyms
 has connected
people
Use synonyms
 of all age groups. Older and younger generations bond over common songs. It
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 them to feel connected.
Moreover
Linking Words
, in many families,
music
Use synonyms
 is a part of their celebration, festival and daily routines. The song
become
Correct subject-verb agreement
becomes
show examples
 their memory that everyone shares – grandparents, parents and kids.
This
Linking Words
 makes
music
Use synonyms
 a bridge between
generational
Correct article usage
the generational
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 gap.
For example
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
survey
Correct article usage
a survey
show examples
 conducted by “
New
Correct article usage
The New
show examples
 York Times
”
Add a comma
”,
show examples
it has been stated that late 90s
music
Use synonyms
 is twice
more
Rephrase
as
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 popular among youth as compared to recent
music
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
music
Use synonyms
 has definitely played a major role in
bring
Wrong verb form
bringing
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 together from all across the world. It is suggested that
music
Use synonyms
 should be promoted on a global level as it will create
emotional
Correct article usage
an emotional
show examples
 connection and
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
show examples
 to learn more about other cultures.

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development
Plan more before you write and add 2-3 strong examples that link to your idea.
language
Fix grammar and spelling. Use short, simple sentences.
coherence
Keep a steady flow from one idea to the next with good linking words.
content
Clear stance stated in introduction and conclusion.
content
Good ideas on how music helps people from different ages and cultures.
structure
Use of linking words like Firstly and Secondly helps flow.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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