IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

some people work for the same organisation all their working life, others think that it is better to work for different organisations. discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #work #organisation #life #organisations
For most people, when they get their first job, they have little idea whether they will remain in the same organisation throughout their working life. If they decide to change, they need to consider how
this
 will impact their career
overall
. People who stay with the same organisation have the advantage of thoroughly understanding how it works and becoming familiar with the staff and processes. If they work hard. Their promotion prospects are good and there is likely to be greater job security, with the promise of a good pension when they retire. Employers value loyalty and may offer additional incentives to long-term employees, including bonuses and reward schemes.
However
, one of the drawbacks of staying with the same management is that the person may get stuck doing the same job year after year. In some cases,
this
 can lead to boredom and disillusionment. Moving from one management to another can be a strategic decision to have variety and acquire a range of skills and experience. A friend of my father started out as a sociology teacher, he
then
 joined the social services and is currently managing a care home in Western Australia.
This
 has made him incredibly knowledgeable in a range of related fields and, in my view, has provided him with a much more interesting working life.
Although
 there are benefits to working for one system, it is
also
 valuable for an employee to be able to offer a wide range of experience having worked for different companies. If it is planned carefully, change is good and will ultimately benefit the employee and the employer.
Submitted by periset on

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task achievement
Make sure that your introduction clearly presents both views and your thesis statement. While an opinion was provided, ensure it is articulated strongly and is easily identifiable.
coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates good progression of ideas but could benefit from a stronger concluding paragraph that summarizes both sides and clearly restates your opinion.
task achievement
You've provided a blend of general statements and specific examples, but incorporating more detailed scenarios or statistics could strengthen your argument and illustrate your points more convincingly.
coherence cohesion
Although you have linked ideas reasonably well, strive for a smoother transition between paragraphs, as this would enhance the overall flow and clarity of your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Longevity
  • Corporate ladder
  • Adaptability
  • Comfort zone
  • Professional network
  • Diverse skill set
  • Industry exposure
  • Innovation
  • Resilience
  • Seniority
  • Job market
  • Career trajectory
  • Company culture
  • Professional growth
  • Job security
  • Promotion prospects
  • Cross-functional experience
What to do next:
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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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