IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Children can learn effectively by watching television. Therefore they should be encouraged to watch television regularly at school and at home. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Recently, sophisticated devices
such
Linking Words
 as
television
Use synonyms
is
Wrong verb form
have been
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 beneficial for
children
Use synonyms
 to increase their knowledge.
However
Linking Words
, all parents should manage their
children
Use synonyms
 to reduce their screen time at
Use synonyms
television
Correct article usage
the television
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 because it can be
harmfull
Correct your spelling
harmful
 for their health. Conclusively, I disagree
Linking Words
while
Change preposition
that
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television
Use synonyms
become
Verb problem
has become
show examples
 a reliable source to gain
knowledges
Fix the agreement mistake
knowledge
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 for
children
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
numeous
Correct your spelling
excessive
 screen time at
television
Use synonyms
 will harm psychological health, it can lead
any
Change preposition
to any
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 psychological
dissorder
Correct your spelling
disorder
such
Linking Words
 as
depression
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.
For example
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, in 2022 in Indonesia, some
children
Use synonyms
 reported
experienced
Replace the word
experiencing
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 severe
depression
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
screen
Correct word choice
excessive screen
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 time excessiveness of
Television
Use synonyms
 because during the covid 19 pandemic situation, all students
rely
Wrong verb form
relied
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 on
Television
Use synonyms
 to
became
Wrong verb form
become
show examples
 their primary knowledge
sources
Fix the agreement mistake
source
show examples
,
they
Correct word choice
and they
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 watched
television
Use synonyms
 more than 5 hours a day.
Thus
Linking Words
, it reduced their interactions with other people, and
create
Wrong verb form
created
show examples
 a psychological
dissorder
Correct your spelling
disorder
 named
depression
Use synonyms
.
Lastly
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,
children
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 with
depression
Use synonyms
 were unable to study regularly
as
Change preposition
like
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 a normal person.
Secondly
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, students require
versatility
Correct article usage
a versatility
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 of education methods.
they
Fix capitalization
They
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 should be introduced by many methods of learning,
such
Linking Words
 as visual, mechanical, and auditorial. Watching
televison
Correct your spelling
television
 only
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
show examples
 their visual learning method,
while
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 other methods are equally important to improve their critical thinking.
For Instance
Linking Words
, some practical subjects
such
Linking Words
 as
gymnastic
Replace the word
gymnastics
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 and football require
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
pratice
Correct your spelling
practice
 rather than visual learning by
wathing
Correct your spelling
watching
 TV. Parents should encourage their
children
Use synonyms
 to study with different activities
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as
do
Wrong verb form
doing
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 some physical exercise and
expand
Wrong verb form
expanding
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 their interactions with other people. In conclusion, TV is
unreliable
Correct article usage
an unreliable
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 source to gain
knowledges
Fix the agreement mistake
knowledge
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, and it will lead to undesirable physical and psychological
dissorder
Correct your spelling
disorders
to
Change preposition
in
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youngster
Fix the agreement mistake
youngsters
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. Parents should encourage their
children
Use synonyms
 to do practical exercises and direct interactions to improve their knowledge
by
Change preposition
through
show examples
 different approaches.

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Task Response
Be clear about your main claim. Say your view in the first paragraph and stay with it.
Task Response
Write 4 paragraphs: intro, 2–3 body parts, and a short conclusion. Each paragraph has one main idea.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use clear links between ideas. Use simple words like first, next, then, finally to guide the reader.
Content
You show a clear stance that TV can affect a child, and you give real examples.
Structure
You use sequence words like first, second and finally.
Content
There is an attempt to use examples from real life.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • engaging content
  • language skills
  • pronunciation
  • cultural awareness
  • physical activity
  • obesity
  • eye strain
  • harmful content
  • appropriateness
  • active learning methods
  • group activities
  • practical experiments
  • hands-on experiences
  • retention of knowledge
  • social skills
  • in-person communication
  • social and emotional skills
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