IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia for the perod 2000 to 2020 Summarise the infomation by selecting and reporting the main features. and make comparisons where relevant

The chart shows the
amount
Check wording
number
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
attempting 4 different classes in Australia nowadays,
whereas
Linking Words
 the other one presents
Correct article usage
the type
show examples
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
show examples
 of dance
class
Fix the agreement mistake
classes
show examples
 combined with age groups. It is clearly seen that
people
Use synonyms
 ,attempting private
Use synonyms
studios
Punctuation problem
studios,
show examples
 take the largest area from the chart .
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
 it is clearly seen from
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 chart
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
that the
amount
Check wording
number of
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 under 11,who participate in three different
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of
dances
Punctuation problem
dances,
show examples
 is more than the
amounts
Check wording
number
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
 from 11 to 16. Private
studios
Use synonyms
includes
Correct subject-verb agreement
include
show examples
 almost half of all 4 groups(48%) in total.
Linking Words
while
Fix capitalization
While
show examples
 private
studios
Use synonyms
 are considered the largest group among all of the , the college-based
studious
Use the right word
studios
show examples
 have the lowest number of participants,
such
Linking Words
 as 10%
out
Change preposition
of
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
all. The community
studios
Use synonyms
 and school halls(after school) have nearly the same percentage, with only having 6% difference. The modern dance
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 is the only type of dance in which
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 of students from 11 to 16 is more than under 11. In other
groups
Add a comma
groups,
show examples
 the
amount
Check wording
number
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
 under 11 is more,
although
Linking Words
 tap students
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 almost the same, with both being between 400 and 600.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Replace the words people, studios with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: