The role of education is to prepare children for the modern world. School should cut art and music out of the curriculum so that children can focus on useful subject such as information technology. To what extent do you agree.

There is no denying the fact that nowadays, several schools have changed many things in their curriculum, especially the type of information
students
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receive and whether it is important for them or not. More schools are replacing some so-called “less important”
subjects
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,
such
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as
art
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or
music
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, with more essential
subjects
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, like information technology or computer science. Some people are satisfied with
this
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phenomenon and consider it the best approach,
while
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others strongly oppose it.
This
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essay will discuss
this
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topic from both points of view, and I will express my personal opinion.
To begin
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with, there are many advantages to
this
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approach.
First,
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students
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can learn and focus better on scientific
subjects
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, and they may achieve higher scores in them.
This
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can
also
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guide their future academic choices.
Furthermore
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,
this
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strategy may be influenced by the country’s focus on scientific progress and technological development.
On the other hand
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, eliminating creative
subjects
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such
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as
music
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and
art
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has a negative impact on
students
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’ lives. Creativity helps
students
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improve their thinking and problem-solving skills.
Moreover
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, studying these fields may increase career opportunities in the future, which can benefit the economy.
Besides
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, some people use
art
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or
music
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to express their emotions, which improves their mental well-being. In conclusion, there are no easy answers to
this
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question. On balance,
however
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, I believe that excluding
art
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and
music
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has drawbacks that outweigh the benefits. If
students
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manage their time effectively and stay focused on each subject,
art
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and
music
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can be powerful tools that support their development rather than harm it.

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task response
State your view in the opening line. Then keep this view in all body parts.
task response
Add more real examples or facts to back up the points.
coherence
Use linking words to connect ideas, like 'also', 'for example', 'however'.
grammar
Check small grammar and use short, clear sentences to avoid mistakes.
structure
Present the opposite view with more detail, then state your own view clearly.
content
The essay shows both sides and a clear view at the end.
coherence
There are clear sign posts such as 'On the other hand' and 'In conclusion'.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
Topic Vocabulary:
  • education
  • school
  • art
  • music
  • IT
  • information
  • technology
  • useful
  • job
  • future
  • skill
  • balance
  • argument
  • agree
  • disagree
  • impact
  • advantage
  • disadvantage
  • project
  • design
  • code
  • computer
  • learn
  • think
  • team
  • work
  • problem
  • solution
  • culture
  • creativity
  • health
  • integrate
  • combine
  • curriculum
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