IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that online shopping is replacing traditional shopping. Is this a positive or negative development?

Nowadays, more
people
Use synonyms
 hardly ever
do
Verb problem
apply
show examples
shop
Use synonyms
 in person because of their hectic
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. There are so many
web sites
Use the right word
websites
show examples
 and apps to
shop
Use synonyms
 online.
As a result
Linking Words
 of
that
Punctuation problem
that,
show examples
 some
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 think online purchases
better
Verb problem
are better
show examples
 than
Use synonyms
shop
Replace the word
shopping
show examples
 in person.
This
Linking Words
 essay will explain why
this
Linking Words
 would be a positive development. In the
begin with
Replace the word
beginning
show examples
, online shopping is more convenient for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
. It helps
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 save our
time
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, these days
Punctuation problem
, amount
show examples
amount
Check wording
a lot
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
 are super busy with their work life or education. Improving the online shopping
Use synonyms
people
Check wording
experience people
show examples
used
Verb problem
are used
show examples
 to that and they use that for every kind of
purchases
Fix the agreement mistake
purchase
show examples
,
such
Linking Words
 as
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 clothes, fruits, vegetables and so on.
As a result
Linking Words
 of
that
Punctuation problem
that,
show examples
 now they can do their
day today
Use the right word
day-to-day
show examples
 chores without any hesitation or stress because
people
Use synonyms
 have enough
time
Use synonyms
 for that and it
save
Correct subject-verb agreement
saves
show examples
 our
time
Use synonyms
. Now
people
Use synonyms
 can put that
time
Use synonyms
 for useful thing than shopping.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the other thing is
Use synonyms
shop
Wrong verb form
that shopping
show examples
 in person
tend
Correct subject-verb agreement
tends
show examples
 to
buy
Wrong verb form
result in buying
show examples
 unnecessary things. Sometimes we spend our
money
Use synonyms
 to our
hearts
Check wording
hearts'
show examples
 content
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 other useless things. There is a well-known fact that everyone falls for
advertising
Punctuation problem
advertising,
show examples
that’s
Use the right word
that is
show examples
 why
people
Use synonyms
 spend more
money
Use synonyms
 on unnecessary things. With
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
online shopping,
people
Use synonyms
 open their online shopping app or website
Linking Words
then
Punctuation problem
, then
show examples
 search and order what they want
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 hardly ever
scrolling
Wrong verb form
scroll through
show examples
 all items and select the item.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
 they don’t want to spend
money
Use synonyms
 on travelling for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
shopping. It really helps to save our
money
Use synonyms
. When it comes to my country, public
travelling
Check wording
transportation
show examples
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 very high
because
Punctuation problem
, because
show examples
 of
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
online purchases save
our
Correct pronoun usage
us
show examples
money
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
Linking Words
This
Fix capitalization
this
show examples
 essay
explain
Correct subject-verb agreement
explains
show examples
online
Correct word choice
that online
show examples
 shopping is mostly a positive development. Considering
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
traditional shopping, it is
waste
Correct article usage
a waste
show examples
Use synonyms
people’s
Change preposition
of people’s
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 and
money
Use synonyms
 because of that, online shopping
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
should switch with traditional shopping.

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task response
Say your view clearly in the first line and keep it in all paragraphs.
task response
Add more real reasons and give clear examples for each point.
coherence cohesion
Make each paragraph have one main idea with a short topic sentence.
coherence cohesion
Use clear linking words to show order and ideas, like first, also, but, finally.
task response
The essay has an intro and a conclusion that show the topic and view.
coherence cohesion
Some link words are used to connect ideas.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • instant gratification
  • rapid advancement
  • instant communication
  • online shopping
  • fast food delivery
  • social media platforms
  • immediate feedback
  • recognition and validation
  • efficiency
  • productivity
  • convenience
  • decreased patience
  • delayed gratification
  • realistic expectations
  • work ethic
  • unrealistic expectations
  • stress
  • dissatisfaction
What to do next:
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