IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Nowadays many people have access t o computers o n a wide basis and a large number o f children play computer games. What are the nega:ve impacts o f playing computer games and what can be done to minimize the bad effects?

Today
almost
Punctuation problem
, almost
show examples
 everyone
use
Correct subject-verb agreement
uses
show examples
computers
Use synonyms
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 overusing technology and gadgets by
children
Use synonyms
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
show examples
 a
big
Correct word choice
significant
show examples
scale
Check wording
level
show examples
 of concern. Unlimited
acces
Correct your spelling
access
 to
computers
Use synonyms
 causes
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
various
problems
Use synonyms
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
mental
Change preposition
as mental
show examples
 and physical
problems
Use synonyms
. Parental supervision and time limits
seems
Correct subject-verb agreement
seem
show examples
 logical in solving these
problems
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the development and advancement of technology are quite beneficial
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 they have
also
Linking Words
 created serious
problems
Use synonyms
 regarding
children
Use synonyms
’s use of it. Constant headaches,eye strain,lost appetite and other features are signs that
seems
Correct subject-verb agreement
seem
show examples
 very early.
Additionally
Linking Words
,it
also
Linking Words
harm
Correct subject-verb agreement
harms
show examples
 mental health and causes various
problems
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
depression
Change preposition
as depression
show examples
,neurological
problems
Use synonyms
insomnia
Punctuation problem
, insomnia
show examples
 and others. It
also
Linking Words
affect
Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
show examples
social
Correct article usage
the social
show examples
 skills of
children
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 as
Correct article usage
a result
show examples
result
Punctuation problem
result,
show examples
 they choose isolation.
For instance
Linking Words
,research in
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 showed that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
young
children
Use synonyms
 who are addicted to
Use synonyms
computers
Fix the agreement mistake
computer
show examples
 games have cognitive and physical
problems
Use synonyms
. Since
computers
Use synonyms
 and technology are part of our
lives
Punctuation problem
lives,
show examples
 we can not extract them from our lives. Parental
supervison
Correct your spelling
supervision
 and government can work together and solve these
problems
Use synonyms
 effectively. First parents should set time limits
rule
Check wording
apply
show examples
and be very
carefully
Replace the word
careful
show examples
.Governments and schools should provide
children
Use synonyms
 with educational materials and
trying
Wrong verb form
try to
show examples
 engage them
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 physical activities.
For instance
Linking Words
,in
France
Add a comma
France,
show examples
 parents collaborate with schools and set
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 exact
shedule
Correct your spelling
schedule
 for
children
Use synonyms
 and
attrack
Correct your spelling
attract
 them to physical activities.
Overall
Linking Words
,
computers
Use synonyms
seems
Correct subject-verb agreement
seem
show examples
big
Correct article usage
a big
show examples
 threat
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
Use synonyms
children'
Check wording
children's
show examples
 health
nowadayas
Correct your spelling
nowadays
. But governments and parents should work together and create ideal conditions for
Use synonyms
children'
Check wording
children's
show examples
 spare time.

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structure
Make a clear plan before you write: have an intro, two body parts, and a short end.
coherence
Use one main idea per paragraph and start with a clear topic sentence.
coherence
Use linking words like first, also, but, and finally to join ideas.
grammar
Check grammar and spelling and make short, simple sentences.
lexical
Use simple words and short form; avoid hard words. Check facts and give clear examples.
examples
Give a real example for each point to back it up.
content
The essay shows the topic and its big idea well.
planning
You note that rules and help from parents and the government can fix things.
evidence
There is a basic example of the USA to back up a claim.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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