IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that the fictional violence portrayed on television is harmless entertainment. Others disagree and think that it encourages violent behavior. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Many individuals claim that broadcasting
action
Use synonyms
movies
Use synonyms
 on TV is a safe hobby.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, others argue that these kinds of
movies
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 promote criminal activities. I believe that these
movies
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 are dangerous,
although
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 all
films
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 have some benefits, humankind
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 a great tendency to learn from what they watch.
To begin
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 with, a large proportion of society
think
Correct subject-verb agreement
thinks
show examples
action
Use synonyms
films
Use synonyms
 are a safe entertainment because these
people
Use synonyms
claims
Correct subject-verb agreement
claim
show examples
 that these types of
films
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 have many advantages.
First,
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These
Fix capitalization
these
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movies
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 usually show that criminal movements are too destructive for the offenders and society, and these actions can cause many
death
Fix the agreement mistake
deaths
show examples
 or huge social issues.
As a result
Linking Words
, the viewers will consider the
consequence
Fix the agreement mistake
consequences
show examples
 of their
Use synonyms
action
Fix the agreement mistake
actions
show examples
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, if they watch these
films
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, they will learn about the police duty and how they can ask for help in
similar
Correct article usage
a similar
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 situation.
However
Linking Words
, children do what they see.
This
Linking Words
 is a part of human nature. If they watch
action
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movies
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 for a long time, they will think these actions are normal.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they may do harmful or dangerous
Use synonyms
action
Fix the agreement mistake
actions
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 under pressure.
In addition
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, they try to use these
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
 to achieve their goals. A recent study revealed that
people
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 who watch
action
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movie
Fix the agreement mistake
movies
show examples
 on a regular basis feel
more angry
Correct word choice
angrier
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, and they can perform criminal activities in
formidable
Correct article usage
a formidable
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 situation.
Consequently
Linking Words
, these
movies
Use synonyms
 are not as safe as most
people
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 think. They gradually transform
people
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's brains.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
action
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movies
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 can be considered as
lecture
Check wording
a lesson
show examples
 for
people
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 because they will probably see the end of offenders;
however
Linking Words
, these
movies
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 can increase
they
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 probability of
doing
Verb problem
committing
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 a criminal
action
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 as they get
use
Replace the word
used
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 to
see
Wrong verb form
seeing
show examples
 it.

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structure
Plan your essay with a simple plan: first say what you think, then give two or three points for and against, and finish with your own view.
content
Make each idea a clear sentence. Start with a topic sentence that shows the point, then add one or two details.
content
Use simple, real examples. Do not use many facts that you do not explain.
language
Check your grammar and split long sentences. Use short, clear words.
content
The text shows a clear stance and a final opinion.
structure
It uses linking words to show links between ideas.
structure
There is a basic plan with introduction, body and conclusion.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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