IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many believe that modern technology has brought people together,but others say that it has driven us apart.

Some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that modern
technology
Use synonyms
 has
strengthen
Wrong verb form
strengthened
show examples
 the bond between
people
Use synonyms
. Others,
however
Linking Words
, believe that it has brought us apart. From my perspective, modern
technology
Use synonyms
 enables
people
Use synonyms
connect
Verb problem
to connect
show examples
 with each other more deeply. On the one hand, modern
technology
Use synonyms
 benefits mutual communication in several ways.
First,
Linking Words
it enriches the way we connect with our
beloved
Use the right word
loved
show examples
 ones remotely. Unlike the old days, when the only method of long-distance communication was writing letters, modern
technology
Use synonyms
 provides us with more
visualized
Change the spelling
visualised
show examples
 ways
to
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
to keep in touch with others.
For example
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 can
face-time
Use the right word
FaceTime
show examples
 their friends or families when travelling, which promotes
deeper
Correct article usage
a deeper
show examples
 emotional bond.
Second,
Linking Words
modern
technology
Use synonyms
 brings us
new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
 chance to encounter new friends with shared interests.
For instance
Linking Words
, the tags in social media
works
Correct subject-verb agreement
work
show examples
 as guidance to find new friends who tend to resemble us in hobbies or personality.
As a result
Linking Words
, new bonds can be generated more effectively between strangers.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
The
Fix capitalization
the
show examples
 development of modern
technology
Use synonyms
 may create more misunderstandings.
For example
Linking Words
, the information conveyed by messages can sometimes be
impilict
Correct your spelling
implicit
, as the tone of speaking and body gestures are hidden behind the screen. Once
people
Use synonyms
over rely
Correct your spelling
over-reli
 on modern
technology
Use synonyms
 to communicate,
such
Linking Words
 as phones, computers, the miscommunication will hinder the process of developing relationships with others. From my point of view,
although
Linking Words
 modern
technology
Use synonyms
 may block the way of
straight-forward
Use the right word
straightforward
show examples
 connection, it is still
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 unavoidable option when
people
Use synonyms
 are forced to be apart. It is true that
face to face
Use the right word
face-to-face
show examples
 talks should be
prioritized
Change the spelling
prioritised
show examples
, but modern
technology
Use synonyms
 can always be the
second best
Use the right word
second-best
show examples
 choice. The problem
if
Use the right word
of
show examples
 misunderstanding can
also
Linking Words
 be solved with more patience & communicating easily when. In conclusion, modern
technology
Use synonyms
 works as a double-edged sword.
However
Linking Words
, I believe it ought to be a great tool
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 facilitating connections between
people
Use synonyms
 by strengthening existing bonds, and building new ones, rather than a trouble of
dividing
Wrong verb form
division between
show examples
people
Use synonyms
.

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grammar
Fix grammar: use the right form of verbs and correct spellings. For example, strengthen -> strengthened, enable -> enables, to connect -> to connect.
structure
Make ideas clear: finish sentences and keep one idea per sentence so your meaning is easy to read.
coherence
Use small linking words to move from one idea to the next in a smooth fold of the text.
content
Add more real and exact examples to show how tech can help or harm ties between people.
punctuation
Watch punctuation and capital letters after phrases like 'On the other hand' and start new sentences cleanly.
content
Some good view on both sides and a clear personal stance.
structure
Intro and conclusion show a plan and place the essay in a clear shape.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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