IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that Government should take measures to improve the health of its citizens. Others think it must be managed by individuals. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Everyone
also
Linking Words
 desires a healthy and fit body. Some individuals think the authority should implement some rules to assist their residents to achieve
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
show examples
 standard of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
health,
while
Linking Words
 some opine that it should be a personal responsibility to do.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both perspectives and explain why it should be our own
duties
Fix the agreement mistake
duty
show examples
. On the one hand, modern
people
Use synonyms
 suffer from various illnesses,
such
Linking Words
 as diabetes, high blood pressure and obesity, because of a lack of
doing
Verb problem
apply
show examples
regular
exercises
Fix the agreement mistake
exercise
show examples
 and
having
Verb problem
apply
show examples
unhealthy diets.
This
Linking Words
 leads to
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 enormous burden on health care services.
Moreover
Linking Words
, long working hours and insufficient sports facilities
attribute
Verb problem
contribute
show examples
 to lower intention in doing exercises, so the government should regulate the maximum
of
Check wording
number of
show examples
 weekly working hours and construct more comprehensive sports centres in different regions.
For instance
Linking Words
, the majority of
Europen
Use the right word
European
show examples
 nations would set up
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
resonable
Correct your spelling
reasonable
 working hours or flexible working schedule,
as well as
Linking Words
 organise many sports competitions to encourage them to take part.
Thus
Linking Words
, the government have a responsibility to boost a
bette
Correct your spelling
better
 lifestyle
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
their
Fix the agreement mistake
its
show examples
people
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, others believe that a good physical body should be a personal duty and asset. Mankind should be responsible
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their own bodies
instead
Linking Words
 of
managing
Wrong verb form
being managed
show examples
 by others.
People
Use synonyms
 should be spontaneous and enjoyable to build up a healthier body rather than
force
Wrong verb form
forcing
show examples
 them to
excute
Correct your spelling
execute
 mandatory policies.
For instance
Linking Words
, numerous
research
Check wording
studies
show examples
 demonstrate that we should cultivate a regular habit by
encourage
Wrong verb form
encouraging
show examples
 and
praise
Replace the word
praising
show examples
, so they would be more willing to do
.
Correct pronoun usage
it.
show examples
 In conclusion, the government can launch some regulations to have more leisure time doing exercises
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 should take
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
responsibility
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their own health.

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task response
Task response: The essay talks about both sides and gives your view, but ideas are not strong enough. Add more clear points and explain why they matter.
coherence
Coherence and cohesion: Use links and topic sentences better. Some sentences are long or switch topic too soon. Break ideas into clear parts.
structure
It shows two sides and ends with a view.
content
It gives some real life ideas about health issues and rules.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • health campaigns
  • awareness
  • healthy lifestyles
  • community health
  • government regulations
  • banning smoking
  • taxing sugary drinks
  • healthcare services
  • responsibility
  • informed choices
  • diet
  • exercise routines
  • education
  • nutrition
  • fitness
  • personal accountability
  • sustainable
  • long-term health outcomes
  • initiatives
  • optimal health outcomes
What to do next:
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