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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie charts below give data on the spending and consumption of resources by countries of the world and how the population is distributed. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Three pie charts illustrate how countries around the
world
Use synonyms
 allocate their spending, consumption of resources and the distribution of population in
percentage
Fix the agreement mistake
percentages
show examples
. The
world
Use synonyms
 spending chart displays five categories,
while
Linking Words
 the
world
Use synonyms
 population chart
divided
Verb problem
is divided
show examples
 by continent.
Overall
Linking Words
, the biggest
world
Use synonyms
 spending is on the category of "others" for nearly
half
Punctuation problem
half,
show examples
 where the smallest allocation goes to clothing for less than a quarter.
However
Linking Words
, the biggest spending based on
world
Use synonyms
 population is on
transportation
Punctuation problem
transportation,
show examples
 that mostly used in the Asian continent.
Lastly
Linking Words
, the USA & Europe have
two-third
Use the right word
two-thirds
show examples
 of
Correct article usage
the resources
show examples
resources
Fix the agreement mistake
resource
show examples
 consumption.
According to
Linking Words
 the first pie chart, most people in the
world
Use synonyms
 spend their money outside basic human needs,
such
Linking Words
 as food, transport, housing and clothing. Food was in the second place with 24%, where transport is 18% and housing
12
Verb problem
is 12
show examples
%. Meanwhile, each continent has
different
Correct article usage
a different
show examples
 spending category. Both Europe and America
14
Verb problem
spend 14
show examples
% spending goes to food and clothing,
while
Linking Words
 10% spending of Africa
goes to
Verb problem
spends 10% on
show examples
 housing.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, the resources are mainly consumed by
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 & Europe for over than 60%
whereas
Linking Words
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
only
Verb problem
spend only
show examples
 40% spending. The charts show which category
used
Verb problem
is used
show examples
 the most
just
Punctuation problem
, just
show examples
 as their priority needs.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words world with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 5 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • spending
  • resources
  • countries
  • population
  • people
  • share
  • part
  • percent
  • figures
  • charts
  • distribution
  • areas
  • regions
  • rich
  • poor
  • wealthy
  • developed
  • developing
  • spend
  • use
  • usage
  • per person
  • more
  • less
  • high
  • low
  • unequal
  • inequality
  • contrast
  • compare
  • overall
  • trend
  • increase
  • decrease
  • rise
  • fall
  • stable
  • notable
  • around
  • these
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