IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

There is an increasing amount of advertising directed at children, encouraging them to buy toys and snacks. Many parents are worried that these advertisements put too much pressure on children, while some advertisements claim that they provide useful information to children. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Nowadays
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Nowadays,
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 there are more and more advertisements that are made specially for
children
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. Most of them are about toys, sweets or fast food. Some
parents
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 think that
this
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 kind of advertising
gives
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puts
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 too much pressure on young people.
However
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, some companies say that these
ads
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 give useful information to
children
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. In
this
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essay
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essay,
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 I will discuss both sides and give my own opinion. On the one hand,
parents
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 believe that advertising has a bad influence on kids. First of all,
children
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 are very young
and
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, and
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 they cannot understand what is true and what is only for marketing. Because of
this
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, they always ask their
parents
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 to buy new toys or snacks, even if they do not really need them. It can
also
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 create problems in the family because
parents
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 cannot always buy everything. Another problem is that many snack advertisements show unhealthy food.
Children
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 may eat too much sugar, which is not good for their health.
On the other hand
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, some people think that advertisements can be helpful. They believe that
ads
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 tell
children
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 about new products, and sometimes these products can be educational,
for
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example
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example,
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 puzzles or books.
Also
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, some companies say that their
ads
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 teach
children
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 to compare things, like which toy is better or what snack has more benefits. In their opinion,
this
Linking Words
 can help kids develop thinking skills. In my view, advertising for
children
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 should be controlled. I understand that some
ads
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 might bring useful information, but most of them are only trying to sell something.
Children
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 do not have enough experience to understand the difference. So I think that too much advertising can be harmful
for
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to
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 them, especially when it is about unhealthy snacks. In conclusion,
while
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 some people say that advertising gives information to
children
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, many
parents
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 are worried about its negative effects. I believe that there should be limits on how companies advertise to
children
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, because protecting kids is more important than selling products.

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detail
Explain ideas more with real details and one clear example for each side.
coherence
Link ideas cleaner between paragraphs with small joining words like also, but, so.
grammar
Keep sentences short and fix small grammar mistakes for easy reading.
strength
Clear view and fair talk of both sides.
strength
Good intro and closing that mark the task.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Materialism
  • Self-esteem
  • Peer pressure
  • Obesity
  • Creativity
  • Eating habits
  • Educational value
  • Moderating influence
  • Marketing strategies
  • Unhealthy snacks
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