IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below give information about the amount of time children spend with their parents.

The given bar charts illustrate
time
Correct article usage
the time
show examples
 spent together between
offsprings
Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
show examples
 and their parents,
according to
Linking Words
 their age group.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can clearly be seen that there are no significant fluctuations throughout the entirety of the observed age group. For the weekdays, time spent with both parents demonstrates a slight decrease by 1 from 0-1 and 2-3, before steadily rising and hitting its peak of approximately 9.7
hours
Use synonyms
 on 8-
9 years old
Correct your spelling
9-year-olds
. As for the mom, it stands at just below 8
hours
Use synonyms
 in the initial year before visibly fluctuating throughout the observed age groups, and notably falls to around 6.3 at
last
Linking Words
.
Similarly
Linking Words
, though
average
Correct article usage
the average
show examples
 moment with dad
undergo
Correct subject-verb agreement
undergoes
show examples
 visible fluctuations, it remains
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the same spot as its starting point, which is at 2
hours
Use synonyms
. Moving on to the weekdays, for both mom and dad, it showed
steady
Correct article usage
a steady
show examples
 rise from 8.3 to just above 10
hours
Use synonyms
 from 0-1 to 4-5, before gradually falling and hitting the trough at around 9.6 at
last
Linking Words
.
Similar
Correct article usage
A similar
show examples
 trend is
also
Linking Words
 demonstrated in
dad
Correct article usage
the dad
show examples
 category, as it
initially
Linking Words
 stands around 0.8 before peaking at 1.9 in 4-5, but
then
Linking Words
 drastically plummets to approximately 0.1.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words hours with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "give" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "falls" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stands" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fluctuations" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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