IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 8

Some people think that the media should be for entertainment only, while others believe that media should have educational values. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #media #entertainment #values
In our contemporary era, it is acknowledged by some people that purpose of the social
media
 should only be to entertain individuals,
while
 others argue that educational features need to be included. In my opinion, people should implement educational aspects in social publishing platforms, benefiting users from rural areas and far-flung corners of the world. With the advent of new technology, various high-tech applications like Facebook and Instagram replaced traditional
media
 sources. More and more users connect to the abovementioned applications, keeping in touch with daily updates of their regions or other countries.
Moreover
, these innovations are recognised as the primary source of engaging videos in most communities, with unacceptable education interventions.
For example
, in 2011, in Kazan, after uploading free online courses to YouTube, the number of customers experienced a significant 15% decline in figures.
On the other hand
, with the help of cutting-edge technology, educational resources became more accessible in suburban and farther areas of cities.
In addition
, we can watch explanations about the same topic from various free videos on YouTube or Facebook, which makes education easier for the younger generation.
For instance
, in Moscow, in 2015, Yandex IT company integrated their free courses with the use of AI on the website, giving the opportunity to students from all countries to excel in their programming skills.
Therefore
, the Russian IT industry attraction boomed over the
last
 5 years, influencing more tech-savvy users. In conclusion, some human beings think that
media
 should be used only for amusement,
however
, others' thoughts are opposite
as well as
 mine. In my opinion, humans need to take advantage of new emerging
media
 products, enlarging the number of educated ones by covering more outer places.
Submitted by gainutdin87 on

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coherence cohesion
Try to vary your sentence structure to avoid repetition. For instance, instead of repeating 'with the advent of new technology,' consider using synonyms or restructuring sentences for variety.
task achievement
When discussing examples, ensure that the connection to your main argument is very clear. This helps keep the essay focused and relevant.
task achievement
Consider adding more detailed explanations for some arguments. This will make your points clearer and reinforce your main ideas.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay has a clear introduction and a conclusion that summarizes your main points well.
supported main points
Your main points are supported with relevant examples, which strengthens your arguments.
complete response
The essay covers both views on the topic and provides a well-structured argument.
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