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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts show world pineapple exports by the top three pineapple-producing countries in 2009 and 2019, and a breakdown of the cost to the consumer of each pineapple in 2019. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagrams illustrate the
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
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 of
pineapple
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exports
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 by
country
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 A, B, and
C
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, measured in
millions
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, and depict the distribution of the
cost
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 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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purchase each
pineapple
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 over a period of 10 years.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
Use synonyms
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
 A and
C
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 saw an increase,
while
Linking Words
country
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 B produced less number of
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pineapple
Fix the agreement mistake
pineapples
show examples
 throughout the period.
In addition
Linking Words
, distribution and retail constituted
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the largest part of
Use synonyms
cost
Correct article usage
the cost
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,
wheares
Correct your spelling
whereas
 the producer
cost
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 the smallest funding. Commencing the figure for
pineapple
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exports
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,
country
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 B saw
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 largest number of
exports
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 in 2009, at approximately 4
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millions
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million
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 before it declined to under 2
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millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
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 in 2019. Both
contry
Correct your spelling
countries
 A and
C
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 accounted for
small
Correct article usage
a small
show examples
 share of
exports
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 in 2009,
while
Linking Words
country
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 A
peak
Replace the word
peaked
show examples
 at around 10
Use synonyms
millions
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million
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, and
country
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C
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 climbed slightly, which
still
Verb problem
was still
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 under 2
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millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
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. Regarding
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the breakdown of the
cost
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 to
consumer
Correct article usage
the consumer
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 each
pineapple
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 in 2019,
distribitions
Correct your spelling
distributions
 and
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cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
show examples
 made up 35% of
entire
Correct article usage
the entire
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cost
Use synonyms
. By
constrast
Correct your spelling
contrast
, the
exports
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cost
Use synonyms
 only
Use synonyms
cost
Verb problem
apply
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5% of the
cost
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, which was 1% lower than producers.
Additionally
Linking Words
, there were some
Use synonyms
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
show examples
were
Correct pronoun usage
that were
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witnessed
Verb problem
apply
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a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
similar
number
Change preposition
in number
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, which stood at around 15%; international transports
constituted
Verb problem
accounted
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of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 12%, taxes accounted for 16%, and profits recorded 18%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words pineapple, exports, country, c, millions, cost with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "numbers of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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